WHAT SISTERHOOD TAUGHT ME ABOUT LIFE, LIBERTY, & THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

As a counselor it is never my goal to be the center of attention; in the helping profession we are taught to remain focused on our clients and I enjoy being able to do just that. However, I do believe that God has allowed me to walk through painful experiences and overcome them, so I could not only empathize with the challenges that my client’s face but also be an example that they can get through them as well.

For this post, I would like to be transparent in showing how important it is to have a community of people around you who love and support you especially in times of difficulty.

I was in an extremely emotionally and mentally abusive relationship for several years, and near the end of my college career I eventually found the strength to leave. After leaving a relationship that had defined my identity for so long, I longed to find myself and a place in life that I could call my own. It was when I decided to join a sisterhood of likeminded, strong, and ambitious women that I truly began the journey of finding myself.

LIFE

For those who have been in (or are currently in) any type of abusive relationship then you understand how difficult it is to maintain your own identity. In this relationship, there was no me, I had become who ever this person wanted me to be and in leaving the relationship I had no idea who I truly was. I made the decision to seek out a place where I could find women who exemplified who I wanted to become. I looked around my network of friends to see if anyone had the qualities that I wanted to see within myself. It was by God’s grace that I came across a group of women who represented the type of woman I wanted to become, I had found a sisterhood. What this sisterhood taught me about my life was that I was strong, resilient, smart, resourceful, and I could not be broken.
This gave me a foundation upon which I still stand today. Why is this helpful for you? When you feel that you are alone, struggling, have no identity, and no ambition; make it your mission to surround yourself with people who are doing the things you desire to do. Seek out groups (in your community, church, work, school, neighborhood) where you see not only their words (what they portray) but also their actions (what they are doing successfully). If you cannot fully see potential within yourself and you are unsure how you are going to get to the next step in your life; surround yourself with positive people, watch them, and learn from them. Sometimes it takes having living examples around you to know that that dream you have for your life is possible. Only God knows the alternative outcome for me had I not chosen to surround myself with positive people at a point in my life when I had no hope. What I do know is that this decision changed the trajectory of my life thereafter.

LIBERTY

There is no freedom when you are in an abusive relationship (or any other toxic situation) where you feel captive and that every decision you make and action you take will have a detrimental impact on your life. At a point in my past relationship I lived in a constant state of fear, fear that if I did the wrong thing, said the wrong thing, was not at the right place, or even breathed the wrong way then something bad was going to happen. I lived constantly on edge that this life and “love” that I had found for myself would be taken away. Even though I knew the situation was unhealthy and toxic, I stayed because I was afraid to be alone. In leaving that relationship, I was on my own for the first time since moving from my parent’s home and going to college. I did not really know what to do with myself and I found myself attracting men with the same controlling and manipulative nature that I had escaped from.
How I found my liberty was deciding to do something that was only for me, I decided to join a sorority. This decision wasn’t easy, and I faced many difficult challenges, but I did it for me. This is what set my mind and heart free. The lesson for you here isn’t to try and join a sorority or make you regret that you didn’t. The lesson is to do what you need to do FOR YOU. What is it that you always wanted to do but were too afraid to try? DO IT? For me, surrounding myself with positive, strong women was what I needed to find my own personal strength. The saying “birds of a feather, flock together” has some truth to it. Be cognizant of who you surround yourself with and what energy they bring into your life. Surrounding yourself with people and things that make you want to be the best version of yourself is key in finding your freedom. God did not create us to be islands, separate and in competition with one another. God’s creation of man was not perfected until he built a suitable helper, we were created for connection with one another (Genesis 2:18).

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

After deciding to make a change in my life and joining a sisterhood of encouraging women, I began to find myself. I began to not be so afraid of doing the wrong thing, making the wrong choice, and losing myself in someone else. By gaining mentors and positive examples of success, I began to grow into the woman I am today and pursue my own purpose and happiness in life. Now, I won’t tell you that building a community around myself made my whole life easier thereafter. I still had struggles, hurts, pains, and I was/am still growing as an individual. What I gained by building this community was the understanding that I wasn’t alone, that I had people who had become apart of my extended family. My community were the individuals who held me up when I faced life’s difficulties and I did the same for them.
What I have also gained is a group of people who hold me accountable, who encourage me, and inspire me to pursue my dreams. The key lesson here is that you can’t choose your biological family. Many people have estranged, strained, and unhealthy relationships within their family which created in them a sense of being alone. The benefit of being able to build your own community is that you can pick, choose, and vet who you allow to be apart of your inner circle. When you build your personal community, you get to grow with people based on common interest and mutual respect. I don’t know what your personal dreams or struggles are, but I do know that there is a community of people out there who share your dreams and are waiting for you to step outside of your comfort zone and connect with them.

BUILDING YOUR OWN COMMUNITY

I believe that this model of community/ sisterhood works for me and it helps me as I continue to grow and dream bigger.  Outside of my sisterhood, I have built a new community of likeminded professional women who share the same vision of wanting to live in our purpose and to help others do the same. How did I build this community you might ask? First let me say, I used to be painfully shy, reserved, and doing anything outside of my comfort zone was an immediate NO!! But, I realized that I wasn’t going to grow or improve as a person if I isolated myself. I began looking online for community groups that shared my interest on platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. There are tons of groups online that you can join to get “your feet wet” and increase your comfortability engaging with people who share your interest.
What I also tried was looking at local ‘Meet Up’ groups, I found networking and social events that were in my area of interest and I took the leap and went to a few. Going to an event can seem daunting, but many people are in the exact same position as you, they are looking to connect and build relationships with people who have commonality. Building a community does not have to be a long drawn out and draining process. Use technology to your advantage to find groups and organizations who share your vision, and the best part is that you can do this at your own pace. In pushing myself to step out of my comfort zone, I have made many amazing connections and my personal community continues to grow. As my community grows, I gain insight, support, and guidance from my peers and this continues to propel me along this path of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness does not look the same for everyone, we all must define it and obtain it for ourselves. If you are struggling with similar painful situations as I once did, and you are looking for support as you move forward in finding your freedom and defining who you want to become please feel free to reach out to me directly (see contact tab). I would love to help you as you begin this journey of defining how you would like the rest of your story to end.