You Don’t Have to Earn Rest: Self-Care, Burnout & Boundaries for High-Achieving Women 🎙️
You Don’t Have to Earn Rest
Let’s be honest: many of us treat self-care like a prize waiting at the end of an impossible to-do list.
Once the work is finished, the children are settled, everyone else is okay, the messages are answered, and every box is checked—then we might give ourselves permission to rest.
But the work is never completely finished. There is always another email, another responsibility, another goal, or another person who needs something from us. If we keep waiting until everything is done, taking care of ourselves may never make it onto the agenda.
In this episode of the This Therapist Has Problems Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Lauren Chase, founder of Climbing Hills Counseling, to talk about self-care, burnout, boundaries, anxiety, and the pressure high-achieving women often carry.
Our conversation offered an important reminder: you do not have to earn rest.
Self-Care Is Responsiveness to Yourself
Self-care is often packaged as massages, vacations, bubble baths, and expensive treats. Those things can absolutely be enjoyable, but they are not the whole picture.
As Dr. Chase explained, self-care is an intentional focus on what you need in the present moment—and then responding to that need.
Sometimes it is taking a walk while listening to an audiobook. Sometimes it is sitting quietly in your car for ten minutes. It may be watching a show simply because you enjoy it, setting a limit on your workday, or deciding that you are unavailable at a time that does not work for you.
The question is not, What should self-care look like? The better question is, What would actually replenish me right now?
That answer will not be the same for everyone, and it may not be the same for you every day.
Start by Asking Where You Feel Joy
One of my favorite questions from this conversation was simple:
Where do you feel the happiest and most fulfilled?
Many people struggle to answer it. We are so accustomed to moving from one obligation to the next that we may lose touch with what brings us peace, pleasure, or joy outside of productivity.
Self-awareness comes before intentional self-care. We have to slow down long enough to notice what we are feeling, what is draining us, and what helps us feel like ourselves again.
You do not need a long list. Begin with one honest answer.
What Did You Learn About Rest Growing Up?
Our beliefs about self-care do not develop in isolation. Many of us grew up watching adults work constantly, push through exhaustion, or treat rest as something that had to be earned.
Maybe no one around you modeled boundaries. Maybe caring for the family always came before caring for the individual. Maybe you learned that being responsible meant never needing a break.
Those lessons can follow us into adulthood without our realizing it.
Dr. Chase encourages people to look at their family-of-origin messages around rest and ask whether those patterns are still serving them. We can honor our families and cultures while also choosing a healthier relationship with our own needs.
Sometimes you are the person who gets to create a new blueprint.
Self-Care Is Not Selfish
Guilt is one of the biggest barriers to self-care, especially for mothers, caregivers, helpers, and people from cultures that place a strong value on collective responsibility.
Taking a short break can feel like stepping away from the people you are supposed to care for. But staying until you are overstimulated, resentful, or completely depleted does not help you show up as your healthiest self.
You are allowed to pause before frustration turns into yelling, shutting down, or responding in a way you later regret.
And when you do have a human moment, repair is still possible. As Dr. Chase shared from her work with parents, it is not only about what was said; what happens after matters too.
We are not perfect. We are human. Taking care of ourselves and practicing repair are both part of showing the people around us what emotional health can look like.
Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Care
Sometimes self-care looks less like adding something pleasant and more like removing something unsustainable.
It may sound like:
- “I am not available at that time.”
- “I cannot take that on right now.”
- “I do not work weekends.”
- “I need a few minutes before we continue this conversation.”
- “No.”
For business owners, clinicians, caregivers, and high achievers, there will always be more that could be done. The challenge is accepting that doing more is not always the same as doing what matters.
A boundary protects your time, energy, relationships, and capacity to keep doing meaningful work without losing yourself in it.
You Are More Than the Hats You Wear
Dr. Chase spoke honestly about having to ask herself who Lauren was outside of being a counselor and counselor educator. After years of school and professional achievement, hobbies and identity outside of work had been pushed to the side.
That part of the conversation hit home for me. I have also had to tell myself to put down the educational books and choose something just because it is fun. Not everything has to teach us something, grow a business, improve a skill, or move us toward the next goal.
You are allowed to enjoy something without turning it into another form of productivity.
Your life is not only what you produce. 🌿
Recognizing Burnout Before Your Body Forces You to Stop
Dr. Chase described burnout as emotional, physical, and mental depletion—the feeling that your cup is empty and you have nothing more to give.
Burnout may look like:
- No longer enjoying things that once brought you joy
- Dreading responsibilities you previously managed
- Feeling stuck, depleted, or emotionally empty
- Moving constantly without feeling as though you are getting anywhere
- Believing you are failing in every area of your life
- Feeling unable to step off the “hamster wheel,” even when you are exhausted
One truth we returned to in this conversation was this: your body will stop you if you do not.
The goal is not to wait until you completely crash. It is to learn your warning signs and respond earlier—with rest, boundaries, support, or a meaningful change in how you are carrying your responsibilities.
One Small Step Still Counts
Self-care does not have to begin with a complete lifestyle overhaul. It can begin with one small action that makes caring for yourself easier.
Put your walking shoes by the door. Schedule the recurring appointment. Protect a small break in your calendar. Choose a stopping time for work. Listen to something that has nothing to do with your profession. Ask someone for help.
Small steps become habits, and habits help make care more sustainable.
If you are unsure where to begin, ask yourself:
- What is draining me most right now?
- What brings me even a small amount of peace or joy?
- What boundary would give me more room to breathe?
- What is one realistic step I can take this week?
You do not need to prove that you are exhausted enough. You do not have to finish everything first. You are already worthy of care.
Watch the Full Episode
Watch on YouTube:https://youtu.be/BXppEdY7qpo
Connect With Dr. Lauren Chase
Dr. Lauren Chase is the founder of Climbing Hills Counseling, where she supports high-achieving women navigating anxiety, burnout, perfectionism, and boundary fatigue.
- Website: https://www.climbinghillscounseling.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/climbinghillscounseling/
- Email: lauren@climbinghillscounseling.com
Climbing Hills Counseling provides virtual therapy for women in North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, Vermont, and Idaho.
Resources & Support
- Self-Care Assessment: https://socialwork.buffalo.edu/content/dam/socialwork/home/self-care-kit/self-care-assessment.pdf
- Self-Care Starter Kit: https://socialwork.buffalo.edu/resources/self-care-starter-kit.html
- M.B.S. Whole Health Counseling & Coaching Services: https://mbswholehealth.com/
If you recognize persistent exhaustion, loss of interest, anxiety, low mood, or difficulty functioning, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional or medical provider for individualized support.
Disclaimer: This article and podcast episode are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not substitutes for therapy, diagnosis, medical advice, or individualized mental health care. Reading, watching, or listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text 988 in the United States. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
