Author: M.B.S. Whole Health

I am passionate about working with couples, families, individuals, and adolescents. My passion is the help create unity, cohesiveness, and peace within family units. I understand that life happens to everyone and things get hard. During those tough times, I enjoy being able to offer an open environment where individuals are able to explore, discuss, and overcome the issues that they are facing
In this episode of This Therapist Has Problems, I sit down with Krista Day-Gloe, a therapist, author, and founder of Healing Roots Wellness Center, to talk about ADHD in women and being diagnosed later in life.
When Trying Harder Isn’t Enough: Understanding ADHD in Women

When Trying Harder Isn’t Enough: Understanding ADHD in Women

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By Natasha Montgomery, M.A., LPC-S, LCDC

Some people make keeping up look easy. They show up prepared. They remember the details. They have another list, another reminder, another way to make sure nothing slips through the cracks.

What we do not always see is how much effort it takes to keep that going.

In this episode of This Therapist Has Problems, I sit down with Krista Day-Gloe, a therapist, author, and founder of Healing Roots Wellness Center, to talk about ADHD in women and being diagnosed later in life. Krista speaks from both her clinical work and her own experience. Our conversation kept bringing me back to a question: how often do we recognize what someone accomplishes without asking what it costs them to accomplish it?

[Watch my full conversation with Krista Day-Gloe: https://youtu.be/SuLqxs7dvC0]

Content note: This episode includes personal experiences with medication, disordered eating, and a brief mention of self-harm urges. Please consider what feels manageable to listen to today.

When the outside does not match the inside

Krista describes herself as someone who could run a business, write a book, and stay highly organized. Those accomplishments were real. So was the struggle she was trying to understand.

I think there is room for us to hold both of those things. Someone can be capable and still need support. Someone can have systems that work and still feel exhausted by the effort of maintaining them. Completing the task does not tell us everything about the experience of completing it.

That does not mean every busy or overwhelmed woman has ADHD. It means I do not want achievement to end the conversation before we have asked better questions.

When Krista talks about bringing information to her doctor, I hear someone trying to make sense of a pattern. The question was bigger than whether she had forgotten something on one occasion. She was looking at experiences across her life that had not felt fully explained.

A later diagnosis can change the story you tell yourself

One of the first things we discuss is the grief that can come with receiving a diagnosis later in life. Relief may be part of it. So may questions about the years before it.

What might have been different if I had understood this sooner? Why did I spend so long assuming I was the problem? What do I do with the frustration I feel now?

I do not think those questions need to be rushed into a positive lesson. There can be space to appreciate new understanding while acknowledging what was difficult. A diagnosis does not erase earlier experiences, but it can offer a different way to understand them.

The National Institute of Mental Health notes that ADHD symptoms in girls and women are especially likely to have been missed in childhood. Adults may also have had support or coping systems that made their difficulties less visible until demands changed. That context matters when someone wonders why this was not recognized earlier. Learn more from NIMH.

I also want to leave room for the person still asking questions. You do not need to arrive at an appointment with the perfect explanation. You can begin with, “This keeps happening, and it is affecting my life. Can we look at it together?”

Masking can hide the effort behind the performance

During our conversation, Krista describes the person with many lists who is deeply afraid of making a mistake. The organization is visible. The shame underneath it may not be.

That stood out to me because support can become harder to ask for when others have already decided you are the one who has everything handled. You may worry that showing difficulty will change how people see you. You may have learned to stay quiet, work longer, or find another way to compensate.

In this conversation, masking refers to efforts to hide or manage difficulties so they are less noticeable to other people. It is not a diagnostic test. Lists, doodling, fidgeting, or needing quiet do not establish ADHD on their own. But the reason behind a habit, the effort involved, and the impact on daily life may be worth exploring.

I would rather ask, “What helps you participate and feel supported?” than assume that looking still or looking organized means everything is easy.

Your body belongs in the conversation

Krista also talks about noticing changes in her mood and capacity alongside her menstrual cycle. Her interest in those patterns became part of the work behind Mood & Moon.

There is emerging research on relationships between ovarian hormones and ADHD symptoms. One small study followed 32 regularly cycling young women and found associations between hormonal changes and reported ADHD symptoms. That finding supports further investigation; it does not provide a universal calendar for how every woman will feel or a treatment plan for an individual. Read the study abstract.

For me, the practical invitation is curiosity. If some days consistently feel different, what do you notice about sleep, stress, physical symptoms, daily demands, and, when relevant, your menstrual cycle? What information would help you describe the pattern to your provider?

Tracking does not need to become another test you are failing. A brief note can be enough to begin a conversation. You can also decide that daily tracking feels too burdensome and ask your clinician for a simpler approach. If symptoms are severe or getting worse, you do not need to finish a month of notes before seeking care.

Krista’s printable chart can support observation. It does not measure your hormone levels, diagnose ADHD, or tell you to change medication. Hormonal concerns and ADHD deserve individualized assessment, and not every change in mood or concentration has the same explanation.

Recognition is a reason to ask questions

I appreciate that podcasts and social media can give people language for experiences they have struggled to explain. Hearing someone describe something familiar can make it easier to seek help.

That moment of recognition is a starting point. Adult ADHD assessment considers a person’s history, including childhood symptoms, current difficulties, and other possible explanations. Anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and other concerns can overlap with the experiences people associate with ADHD. A qualified provider can help sort through that fuller picture. See the CDC’s adult ADHD information.

Before an appointment, you might write down:

  • A few concrete examples of what has been difficult at work, at home, or in other settings.
  • What you remember about earlier patterns and when the difficulties became more noticeable.
  • The systems you use to keep up and how much effort those systems require.
  • Changes in sleep, stress, physical health, or menstrual patterns that seem relevant.
  • What you would like help with first.

The goal is not to prove that you fit a label. It is to help someone understand what you are experiencing.

You do not have to earn treatment by exhausting yourself

Krista shares what treatment has meant for her personally. I want to preserve the humanity in that part of the conversation while being clear that one person’s experience cannot predict another person’s response.

ADHD care can include medication, psychotherapy, and practical support. Treatment decisions should reflect an individual’s needs, health history, preferences, and follow-up with a qualified provider. NIMH explains common adult treatment options.

I do not want anyone leaving this conversation believing they must try every supplement before discussing medication, or that feeling calmer after a stimulant is a diagnostic test. NCCIH reports that complementary approaches have not been conclusively shown to be more effective than conventional ADHD therapies. Questions about supplements belong in a conversation with a medical provider, including questions about interactions and safety. Read NCCIH’s overview.

Needing help does not mean you failed to try hard enough. And having questions about treatment does not mean you are resisting help. Those questions deserve time and clear answers.

Let the people supporting you communicate

One of my favorite parts of this conversation is our discussion of coordinated care. I want us to be curious about the whole person, not only the part that fits one appointment.

If you work with both a therapist and a medical provider, you can ask whether communication between them would help. With your permission and an appropriate release of information, they may be able to share relevant observations and coordinate within their professional roles.

That does not mean every symptom requires a laboratory panel or that one clinician should practice outside their scope. It means you can ask, “Would it help for the people on my care team to be on the same page?”

I hope you leave this episode with more room for that kind of question. More room to describe what has been difficult. More room to acknowledge the work nobody else sees. And more room to seek care without making yourself prove that you are struggling enough to deserve it.

Reflection: What is one part of daily life where you would like more support and less self-judgment?

[Watch When Trying Harder Isn’t Enough with Krista Day-Gloe: https://youtu.be/SuLqxs7dvC0]

Meet Krista and explore her resources

Krista Day-Gloe, LSCSW, is a therapist, author of Mood & Moon, speaker, and founder of Healing Roots Wellness Center. She brings professional and lived experience to conversations about late-diagnosed ADHD and understanding the relationship between the body and mental health.

Resources Krista discussed or supplied:

Additional educational resources I selected:

Connect with me

Through M.B.S. Whole Health, I offer adult individual counseling, life coaching, and LPC Associate supervision. My work makes room for honest conversations about anxiety, trauma, self-understanding, and the support people need to move forward.

Explore services or send an inquiry.
M.B.S. Whole Health | 682-292-8306 | info@mbswholehealth.com

Stay connected: Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | YouTube | Substack

This article and episode are educational. They are not therapy, a diagnosis, or individualized medical advice. Consult your provider about treatment, medication, supplements, or concerning changes in symptoms. In the U.S., call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org for emotional crisis support. My inquiry form and social accounts are not crisis services.
More Than Survival: My Conversation with Shanai Ragsdale on Suicide Prevention, Faith, and Hope After Crisis

More Than Survival: My Conversation with Shanai Ragsdale on Suicide Prevention, Faith, and Hope After Crisis

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By Natasha Montgomery, M.A., LPC-S, LCDC

Content note: This article and episode discuss suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt survival, childhood sexual trauma, eating disorders, treatment, and suicide loss. Please consider your capacity before reading or watching.

I want us to stop treating someone’s ability to keep going as proof that they are okay.

The grades can be good. The career can be moving forward. The person can be smiling, raising children, answering messages, and doing everything we associate with having it together. None of that tells us the whole story of what it feels like to be that person.

In this episode of This Therapist Has Problems, I sit down with Shanai Ragsdale, a Texas REALTOR®, community advocate, mother of four, and suicide attempt survivor. Our conversation moves beyond the question of how someone survives a crisis. We also talk about what happens afterward: finding support, making sense of painful experiences, navigating faith, and wanting a life that is not organized entirely around enduring the next hard thing.

Looking Okay Is Not the Same as Feeling Okay

Shanai describes being an achiever while carrying pain that people around her did not necessarily see. Her story is a reminder that a person can be visible for what they accomplish and still feel unseen in what they are experiencing.

I do not hear that as a reason to be suspicious of every smile or achievement. I hear it as a reason to stay curious. Instead of assuming that someone is fine because they are doing well, I want us to leave room for a different answer.

That includes the child who gets good grades, the friend who organizes everything, and the colleague who always finds a way to deliver. When I say that we should not overlook the “good kids,” I am not suggesting that children who struggle more visibly are any less deserving. I am asking us to make care available without requiring anyone to demonstrate distress in a particular way.

A more meaningful check-in might begin with: “I see how much you are doing. How are you feeling while you are doing it?” Then comes the part that matters: making enough room to hear the answer without correcting, minimizing, or immediately trying to solve it.

When Achievement Becomes a Place to Hide

One of the strongest moments in this conversation is Shanai describing what it was like when a trauma response looked like success. She connects her own overachievement with trying to keep painful parts of her life out of view.

I want to be careful here. Achievement is not a diagnosis. Being ambitious does not prove that someone has experienced trauma. What matters is the person’s relationship with achievement and the experience underneath it.

There is a difference between enjoying what you do and feeling that you must perform perfectly so nobody looks too closely. There is a difference between choosing responsibility and believing you have no permission to need anything yourself.

The question I take from Shanai’s story is not “How successful are you?” It is “What does maintaining that success cost you, and do you have somewhere you can be honest about it?” I want people to have support before they run out of ways to appear okay.

Survival Does Not Make the Need for Care Disappear

Shanai speaks about a part of this subject that can get lost when we rush toward an uplifting ending: surviving an attempt does not automatically resolve the pain that came before it. Her account includes difficult feelings after survival, periods of change, and later moments when she recognized that she needed help again.

I do not want us to use someone else’s survival as permission to stop checking in. “You made it through” is not the same as “You have everything you need now.”

She also describes seeking counseling and later receiving more intensive outpatient support. I value that part of the conversation because it makes room for care to change. Needing additional support does not have to be framed as doing therapy wrong. It can be a reason to talk honestly with a qualified professional about what is happening and what level of care is appropriate.

I cannot determine that level of care for a reader through an article. What I can do is encourage honesty about symptoms, safety, and daily functioning rather than pressure to make a difficult experience sound manageable.

Faith Can Be Part of the Conversation Without Replacing Care

Faith is an important part of Shanai’s story. So are the questions she carried when she was hurting. I appreciate that she did not present a version of faith in which people never feel confused, angry, or alone.

I want there to be room for those questions. I do not want someone to hear this conversation and conclude that a mental health crisis means they did not pray enough, believe enough, or appreciate their life enough.

For some people, spiritual connection is meaningful support. Professional treatment can belong alongside it. For others, faith is not part of their life at all. Their need for care is no less valid. I am interested in support that respects the person, not support that requires them to borrow someone else’s beliefs.

Shanai also describes the meaning motherhood held for her. I honor that as her experience, not a prescription. People without children are equally worthy of care. People who love their families deeply can still struggle. I do not want guilt to become our strategy for helping someone stay safe.

The Pressure to Be Strong Can Make Honesty Harder

We talk about silence in Black and brown communities and the pressure many Black women experience to continue carrying everything. I do not want that conversation to flatten entire communities into one story. Our families, histories, relationships with care, and experiences of being heard are not all the same.

What I do want to challenge is the message that needing help means we are weak, ungrateful, or not busy enough. Those messages can make it harder to say, “Something is wrong, and I need support.”

Community can become a place where we practice a different response. We can stop praising endurance without asking about its cost. We can respect a person’s decision to seek treatment. We can ask what would help instead of insisting that we already know.

That kind of support does not require a perfect speech. It requires willingness to listen and a recognition that loving someone does not mean we can meet every need they have by ourselves.

What Support Can Look Like in Practice

I want this conversation to leave people with more than an encouraging sentence. When we are concerned about someone, a direct, caring conversation matters. The National Institute of Mental Health recommends asking about suicide, listening without judgment, helping make the environment safer, connecting the person with support, and following up. Asking directly does not increase suicidal thoughts. Read NIMH’s five action steps.

I also want to name a boundary: a friend, a podcast host, or a social media account is not a substitute for a crisis response. A caring person can help someone connect with appropriate help, but no one should have to wait for an Instagram message to be answered before seeking it.

If someone does not respond well to a disclosure, that response is not a measure of the person’s worth. I would want them to have another route to support, not another reason to go silent.

More Than Survival Is an Invitation, Not a Deadline

I keep coming back to the title of this episode because it holds two truths together. Staying alive matters. So does having support to build a life that can include connection, rest, meaning, and joy.

I do not want the phrase “more than survival” to become one more demand on a person who is already exhausted. Some days, getting through with support is a meaningful step. Healing does not need to look impressive to count.

My hope is that this conversation makes it easier to recognize when help is needed, ask an honest question, and take a next step toward care. You do not have to have your story organized before you begin that conversation.

A question I am taking with me: Where have I mistaken someone’s ability to keep functioning for evidence that they feel supported?

Meet Shanai Ragsdale

I am joined by Shanai Ragsdale, a Texas REALTOR®, community leader, former global technology sales leader, and mother of four. Licensed in real estate since 2009, Shanai has served as President of the Women’s Council of REALTORS® Collin County. She is also a suicide attempt survivor and mental health advocate. She shares her experience to challenge the assumption that outward success means someone cannot be struggling privately. Her message is grounded in faith, family, resilience, and the possibility of life after a mental health crisis. I appreciate her commitment to reducing shame and encouraging honest conversations about getting help.

Connect with Shanai on Instagram for her advocacy and connections around survivor stories, women’s leadership, and community events. Her social account is not a crisis service.

Work With Me

Through M.B.S. Whole Health, I offer counseling and individual therapy, support for women’s mental health, anxiety and depression, trauma and attachment work, life coaching, and LPC Associate supervision. I want the conversation to continue beyond the podcast for people who are ready to explore professional support.

For routine service questions or an appointment inquiry, contact M.B.S. Whole Health. We can discuss fit, eligibility, and next steps. Coaching and supervision are separate services, not substitutes for mental health treatment or crisis care.

My website | Email me | [682-292-8306 (line 6822928306)](tel:6822928306)

Stay connected: Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | YouTube | Substack.

Support and Further Reading

If you are in suicidal crisis or emotional distress in the United States, call 988, text 988, chat https://988lifeline.org/chat/, or visit https://988lifeline.org. In a life-threatening emergency, contact emergency services or go to the nearest emergency department. My practice inquiry form and social accounts are not crisis services.

The episode names 988 and discusses professional treatment and community support. I have also included NIMH’s suicide-prevention action steps as additional reader education, not as a resource Shanai specifically recommended.

Watch the full episode | Explore more TTHP articles | Subscribe to my personal reflections.

Educational disclaimer: This article and episode offer education and personal reflections, not therapy, diagnosis, or individualized medical advice. They do not establish a therapist-client relationship. Please seek appropriate professional assessment and treatment for your situation.
What Happens When You Tell a Therapist You’re Having Suicidal Thoughts?

What Happens When You Tell a Therapist You’re Having Suicidal Thoughts?

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Content note: This article and the accompanying episode discuss suicidal thoughts and self-harm without graphic descriptions. Please care for yourself as you read. If you need immediate emotional support in the United States, call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

There are some words people are afraid to say out loud.

“I don’t want to be here.”

“I’m having suicidal thoughts.”

“I need help.”

Sometimes the fear is not only about admitting how much pain they are in. It is also fear of what will happen after they tell someone. Will their therapist panic? Will the police be called? Will they automatically be sent to a hospital? Will people see them differently?

Those fears can create silence at the exact moment honest support is needed.

In this episode of This Therapist Has Problems, I sat down with Amy Campi, LPC, LCDC for a candid conversation about suicidal thoughts, safety planning, therapy, and survival. Amy brings both lived experience and the perspective of a trauma-focused clinician. Her honesty gives us room to talk about something many people experience but still feel ashamed or afraid to name.

Suicidal thoughts do not always tell the whole story

One of the most important ideas in our conversation is that a suicidal thought may reflect a wish for overwhelming pain, fear, or pressure to stop. That does not make the thought unimportant. It means we need to slow down and understand what the person is actually experiencing instead of responding only to the most alarming word.

Amy described recognizing that she was in trouble and telling someone because she sensed that things could get worse if she stayed silent. That moment of reaching out mattered.

People may experience suicidal thoughts differently. Some thoughts may be brief or passive, such as feeling that they do not want to wake up or do not want to keep living this way. Other situations may involve greater immediacy, intent, planning, access, or preparation. These distinctions matter because support should match the person’s actual level of risk and need.

No article or podcast can assess an individual person’s safety. If the thoughts feel immediate, if there is an intention to act, or if a person cannot stay safe, call or text 988, call 911, or go to the nearest emergency room.

What happens when you tell a therapist?

Many people believe that mentioning suicide in therapy automatically leads to hospitalization. That fear may keep them from being honest.

A thoughtful clinician should ask more questions. They may explore how often the thoughts occur, whether they are happening right now, whether there is a plan or intent, whether the person has access to a way to harm themselves, what has helped them stay safe, and who can offer support. The clinician should also consider the person’s history, current stressors, protective factors, willingness to engage in care, and ability to follow a safety plan.

The goal is not to punish honesty. The goal is to understand the full picture and identify the safest, most appropriate level of support.

For some people, that may mean more frequent outpatient therapy, involving a trusted support person with permission, medication evaluation, an intensive outpatient program, or a partial hospitalization program. When the danger is immediate or the person cannot safely remain in the community, inpatient or emergency care may be necessary.

The right response is not one-size-fits-all.

A safety plan is more than a sheet of paper

As we discussed in the episode, a safety plan is not a guarantee that a crisis will disappear. It is a practical resource created before or during a difficult period so a person does not have to identify every next step while overwhelmed.

A safety plan may help someone identify:

  • Personal warning signs that a crisis is building
  • Coping strategies that can create a pause
  • People or places that provide distraction and connection
  • Trusted people who can offer direct support
  • Therapists, medical providers, crisis lines, and local emergency resources
  • Ways to reduce access to things that could be used for harm

The plan should be specific to the individual and created with a qualified professional whenever possible. Its purpose is to make support visible and easier to reach when the person’s thinking has narrowed around pain.

Asking directly does not plant the idea

Friends and family may notice that something is wrong but hesitate to ask about suicide because they fear introducing the idea. Research summarized by the National Institute of Mental Health shows that asking directly does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior.

You can ask calmly and clearly: “Are you thinking about suicide?”

Then listen. Do not debate, shame, lecture, or rush to make the person reassure you. Ask what they need. Help them connect with support. If they are in immediate danger, do not leave them alone while you contact 988, 911, or emergency services.

NIMH offers five practical action steps: ask, be there, help keep the person safe, help them connect, and follow up. Read the complete guidance at NIMH.

The right therapist matters

Amy also spoke honestly about not connecting with her first therapist. That does not mean therapy cannot help. It means the relationship matters.

You deserve a therapist with whom you can say the difficult thing. You deserve someone who can remain present, ask thoughtful questions, and respond without shaming you or making their own fear the center of the room.

The first therapist may not be your therapist. It is okay to ask about a clinician’s experience with trauma, suicidal ideation, self-harm, and crisis assessment. It is okay to tell a therapist that the fit does not feel right. A caring provider can help you transition instead of leaving you unsupported while you search.

This moment is not the whole story

There may not be one dramatic moment when everything changes. Recovery can look like finding the right therapist, learning what triggers a spiral, involving supportive people, creating a safety plan, and remembering that an intense moment can pass.

Amy described how the thoughts became less frequent and less consuming over time with the right therapy and support. That is not a promise that every journey will look the same. It is a reminder that pain can change, support can help, and a person’s story is bigger than one difficult moment.

If you are struggling, please tell someone. A friend, family member, therapist, medical provider, spiritual leader, or 988 counselor can help you take the next step. You do not need perfect words. You can begin with: “I am not feeling safe, and I need support.”

This is not the end of your story.

Please watch the full conversation, then share it with someone who needs permission to say the words out loud.
Episode link: Say It Out Loud

About Amy Campi, LPC, LCDC

Amy has worked in the mental health and substance use fields since 2004. Before completing her advanced degree, she worked in a locked psychiatric unit for high-risk adolescents and as an adult probation officer with a high-risk caseload. Her postgraduate experience includes substance use evaluations, nonprofit organizations, intensive outpatient programs, private practice, and facilitating psychoeducational groups in jails. In private practice, Amy specializes in working with women who have experienced complex trauma and/or are struggling with substance use.

Amy is currently accepting new clients in Texas. She offers virtual sessions throughout the state and in-person sessions in Plano. She accepts UnitedHealthcare, Cigna, and Aetna, as well as private pay and clients using out-of-network benefits. Insurance participation can change, so prospective clients should confirm current coverage directly with the practice.

Learn more at Pirouette Counseling or connect with Amy Campi LPC, LCDC on Facebook.

Crisis and treatment resources

  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Available 24/7 in the United States.
  • Find mental health and substance use treatment: FindTreatment.gov
  • How to help someone who may be having suicidal thoughts: NIMH’s 5 Action Steps
  • If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Educational disclaimer: This article and podcast are for education and general information. They are not therapy, medical advice, diagnosis, crisis assessment, or a substitute for care from a qualified professional who understands your individual situation.
Rest Before You Crash

Rest Before You Crash

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There is a version of self-care that looks beautiful online. It is quiet mornings, spa appointments, candles, retreats, and perfectly arranged routines. Those things can feel good, and there is nothing wrong with enjoying them. But if that is the only picture we have of self-care, many women will continue believing they do not have enough time or money to take care of themselves.

The truth is that self-care often looks much less polished.

It can look like drinking water before the headache starts. Going to the bathroom instead of waiting until you finish one more task. Eating when your body tells you it is hungry. Taking a ten-minute walk. Letting the dishes sit. Telling your children, your coworkers, or the people you love, “I need a few minutes.”

In Rest Before You Crash, an episode of This Therapist Has Problems, I sat down with Angel Theodore, Founder and Self-Care Catalyst of My Self-Care Catalyst LLC, to talk about what it means to care for yourself before your body has to demand your attention.

Sometimes Your Body Says It First

Angel’s work grew out of her own experience with burnout. In 2019, after years of going, doing, serving, helping, and overextending herself, she reached a point where her body shut down. She fainted and later had repeated visits for stress-related health concerns.

Looking back, she can now recognize the signs: feeling as though she had been hit by a truck, aching, getting sick often, and becoming more irritable. Accepting that she was stressed was not the hardest part. The harder part was accepting that she did not have to be doing something every moment.

That is a struggle many high-achieving women understand. When productivity becomes part of your identity, rest can feel lazy. When you are the person who usually handles everything, leaving something undone can feel unsafe. You may tell yourself, “If I do not do it, no one will.” Sometimes that may even be true, but it does not mean your body can indefinitely absorb the cost.

There is a point when “pushing through” stops being resilience and starts becoming disconnection from yourself.

Self-Care Is Not Another Performance

Self-care has become a phrase we use for almost everything. But a label does not automatically make an activity restorative.

If your self-care routine becomes another complicated standard you must meet, another purchase you feel pressured to make, or another area where you believe you are failing, it may create more pressure than relief.

Angel encourages women to begin with micro-habits, small actions that can realistically become part of everyday life. If a full workout is not possible, can you walk for ten minutes? If you cannot change your entire routine, can you replace one drink with water? If you are depleted, can you pause for ten minutes before forcing yourself through the next task?

Small does not mean insignificant. It often means sustainable.

The goal is not to build a picture-perfect wellness routine overnight. The goal is to rebuild trust with yourself by noticing what you need and responding consistently.

Rest Does Not Have to Produce Anything

One of the parts of our conversation that felt especially important was the reminder that not everything you enjoy has to become a business.

We live in a culture that can turn almost any interest into a side hustle. If you enjoy art, someone asks whether you will sell it. If you are good at doing nails, someone asks whether you will take clients. If you love gardening, someone wants to know when you are starting a business.

Some gifts may become meaningful work. Some interests may be connected to purpose. And some things are allowed to be yours simply because they bring you joy.

You are allowed to rest for the sake of resting. You are allowed to have fun without making it productive. You are allowed to receive something good before deciding how you will give it away.

That is not a lack of ambition. It is a recognition that you are a person, not an endless source of output.

The Guilt That Keeps Women Overextended

For many women, and especially mothers, self-care brings up guilt. There can be a deeply rooted belief that being loving means being immediately available. But asking someone to wait a few minutes is not abandonment. Saying no is not a failure to nurture. Allowing others to participate, help, or practice patience does not make you less caring.

When children see their mother name a need, set a boundary, and care for herself, they also learn that people have limits. They learn patience, shared responsibility, and what it looks like to respect another person’s humanity.

Taking care of yourself is not only about becoming more pleasant or productive for everyone else. You deserve care because you are a person with a body, a mind, emotions, and needs. Full stop.

What Is Your Body Asking For?

You do not have to overhaul your life today. Start by becoming curious.

  • Am I hungry, thirsty, tired, overstimulated, lonely, or in pain?
  • What have I been postponing because something or someone else always feels more urgent?
  • What is one small response I can give myself in the next ten minutes?
  • Where have I confused rest with laziness?
  • What do I enjoy that does not need to become useful, profitable, or impressive?

Self-care is not a reward you receive after everything is finished. Everything may never be finished. Self-care is part of how you remain connected to yourself while living a full life.

Meet Angel Theodore

Angel Theodore is a speaker, author, Certified & Trauma-Informed Life Coach, and the Founder of My Self-Care Catalyst. She is building a global movement where women feel supported in being authentically themselves. After speaking with hundreds of women and navigating her own burnout in 2019, Angel began providing practical strategies for healing, self-love, and sustainable well-being. Her work has been featured in USA Today, Shoutout DFW, and Business Innovator.

Angel’s Self-Care Elite Circle™ is a transformational group-coaching experience designed to help women move beyond knowing they need self-care and actually make it a sustainable part of their lives. Through coaching, accountability, community, and intentional practices, members are supported as they stop putting themselves last and build a lifestyle that supports who they are becoming.

Connect with Angel:

Angel also shared that My Self-Care Catalyst is expanding in the Dallas–Fort Worth area. Follow her platforms for current announcements and event details.

Resources and Support

Mentioned in the episode

  • StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tom Rath: A book and assessment discussed as a tool for identifying natural strengths. Current assessment information is available through Gallup CliftonStrengths: https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/
  • My Self-Care Catalyst: Coaching, community, journals, courses, and information about the Self-Care Elite Circle™: https://myselfcarecatalyst.com/

Additional support

  • M.B.S. Whole Health: Counseling and coaching services: https://mbswholehealth.com/
  • If ongoing exhaustion, pain, sleep changes, fainting, frequent illness, or other physical symptoms are concerning you, speak with a qualified medical professional. Stress can affect well-being, but new or worsening symptoms deserve individualized evaluation rather than self-diagnosis.

Educational disclaimer: This article and podcast are for educational and informational purposes only. They do not create a therapist-client relationship and are not a substitute for individualized mental-health or medical care. Coaching and psychotherapy are distinct services. Contact an appropriate licensed professional with questions about your health or treatment needs.
When Burnout Becomes Your Baseline: How to Come Back to Yourself

When Burnout Becomes Your Baseline: How to Come Back to Yourself

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Burnout can be tricky because it does not always announce itself by making you fall apart.

Sometimes burnout looks like waking up, going to work, taking care of your family, meeting deadlines, answering messages, and continuing to be the person everyone can count on. From the outside, you may still look capable and productive. Inside, you may feel tired in a way that sleep does not fix, more irritable than usual, disconnected from the things you once enjoyed, or simply unlike yourself.

That is the kind of burnout we discussed during my conversation with Michelle Scolaro, LMHC, on This Therapist Has Problems.

Michelle is a licensed therapist, transformational coach, retreat leader, and the founder of Created Life Consulting. Her work helps women move through burnout, self-abandonment, relationship challenges, and the difficult process of reconnecting with themselves. What made this conversation especially real is that Michelle did not approach burnout only as a professional. She has lived it.

When your body says, “Be still”

Michelle described a season when she was newly divorced, working full time, raising her child, and participating in an intensive leadership and coaching program. She was doing all the things—and then her body forced her to stop.

After suddenly experiencing severe vertigo and ending up in the hospital, a friend asked her a powerful question: If your body could speak right now, what would it say?

Her answer was simple: Be still.

That moment stayed with me because so many of us wait until our bodies become loud before we listen. We ignore the tension, headaches, fatigue, irritability, dread, and emotional numbness because there is still work to do. We tell ourselves we should be able to handle it. We keep pushing until pausing is no longer a choice.

The goal is not to diagnose every difficult day as burnout. The goal is to notice patterns before we reach the point where we cannot function.

Burnout is more than being tired

Michelle explained that burnout can exist on a continuum. It may begin with fatigue and gradually progress toward a much deeper sense of depletion and disconnection.

Some warning signs discussed in the episode include:

  • Fatigue that does not improve with rest
  • Muscle tension or headaches
  • Increased irritability
  • Loss of motivation, joy, or enthusiasm
  • Dread about getting out of bed or beginning the day
  • Feeling emotionally numb
  • Resentment toward responsibilities or people you care about
  • Feeling disconnected from yourself
  • Thinking, “I do not feel like me anymore”

That last sign is especially important. Michelle shared a moment when she saw her own reflection and, for a second, did not recognize herself. It led her to ask, “Who am I? What am I doing? What is this all for?”

You can be functioning and still be far away from yourself.

When self-care becomes one more thing to fail at

One of the biggest misconceptions about burnout is that it is simply a time-management problem. If you could organize your schedule better, take more breaks, get a massage, or plan a vacation, maybe everything would be fine.

Those things can feel good, but they do not automatically change the structure or beliefs that keep pulling you back into depletion.

In fact, when you are already burned out, self-care can become one more demand. Now you have to walk, meditate, journal, exercise, drink enough water, and complete a morning routine perfectly. The practices meant to support you become more boxes to check—and more opportunities to feel like you are failing.

If burnout has become your baseline, the answer is not just finding occasional pockets of escape. It is looking honestly at the routines, expectations, relationships, and beliefs that keep you “on” all the time.

Rest guilt did not come from nowhere

Most of us already understand that we need rest. The harder question is why we do not consistently allow ourselves to have it.

Michelle connected this struggle to the messages many of us received early in life. Think about asking to play as a child and hearing, “Is your homework done? Is your room clean?” The lesson becomes: Work comes first. Rest, play, and pleasure are rewards you receive only after everything else is complete.

The problem is that adulthood rarely offers a moment when everything is complete. There will almost always be another dish, email, task, bill, or person who needs something.

If we keep waiting until everything is done, rest will continue to be postponed.

Self-care starts with the relationship you have with yourself. It requires believing that you are worthy of care before you finish the list—not because you completed it.

Small practices can rebuild self-trust

Coming back to yourself does not require changing your entire life overnight. It can begin with one small practice that honors you.

Michelle recommends connecting that practice to something you already do. Her example was turning her daily coffee into a meditative pour-over ritual. Because coffee was already part of her morning, the new practice was easier to repeat.

Your practice may look different. It could be:

  • Taking three slow breaths before opening your laptop
  • Asking yourself what you need while the shower warms up
  • Sitting quietly for five minutes after school drop-off
  • Stepping outside before answering the next message
  • Eating lunch away from your desk
  • Scheduling one hour each week that is only for you

The point is not perfection. If the practice falls away, you can return to it. Missing a day does not mean it failed. It simply means you begin again.

Every time you notice what you need and respond with an aligned choice, you strengthen trust with yourself.

You are not broken—you may need to hear yourself again

Michelle offered one of the most important reminders of the episode: If you feel exhausted, resentful, disconnected, or unlike yourself, it does not mean there is something wrong with you. Something within you may be asking to be heard.

You do not have to lose yourself to be successful. You do not have to disappear in order to be loved, needed, or valuable. You can care for other people without abandoning yourself. You can choose when to place someone else’s needs first without making self-sacrifice your permanent way of life.

And you can ask for help before you reach a breaking point.

Therapy does not have to be reserved for the moment when everything falls apart. As Michelle noted, choosing one hour that is focused on you can be an important first step. That protected hour may create a ripple effect that helps you make other meaningful changes.

Coming back to yourself will not happen perfectly or all at once. It can happen one pause, one honest question, and one aligned choice at a time.

So, here is the question I want to leave with you:

What has your body been trying to tell you before it has to force you to listen?to listen?

Watch the full episode here

About Michelle Scolaro

Michelle Scolaro, LMHC, is a licensed therapist, transformational coach, retreat leader, and founder of Created Life Consulting. With more than 20 years in the mental health field, she supports women navigating burnout, self-doubt, perfectionism, relationship concerns, grief, and disconnection from self. She also leads Thrive in Paradise transformational retreats.

Please note: This article and episode are educational and are not a substitute for individualized medical or mental health care. Physical and emotional symptoms can have multiple causes. Seek an appropriate licensed professional for assessment and support.

_________________

Resources and Support

  • M.B.S. Whole Health: Therapy, coaching, and mental wellness resources — https://mbswholehealth.com/
  • FindTreatment.gov: Search for mental health and substance use treatment providers in the United States — https://findtreatment.gov/
  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 or visit https://988lifeline.org/ for free, confidential emotional support in the United States, 24/7. If there is immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Clinical language note

This episode uses burnout in the common, everyday sense to discuss chronic depletion across work, caregiving, relationships, and other responsibilities. The World Health Organization’s ICD-11 classification uses the term specifically for chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed and classifies it as an occupational phenomenon rather than a medical condition.

Dr. Lauren Chase joins Natasha Montgomery to discuss self-care without guilt, burnout warning signs, healthy boundaries, and rest for high-achieving women.
You Don’t Have to Earn Rest: Self-Care, Burnout & Boundaries for High-Achieving Women 🎙️

You Don’t Have to Earn Rest: Self-Care, Burnout & Boundaries for High-Achieving Women 🎙️

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You Don’t Have to Earn Rest

Let’s be honest: many of us treat self-care like a prize waiting at the end of an impossible to-do list.

Once the work is finished, the children are settled, everyone else is okay, the messages are answered, and every box is checked—then we might give ourselves permission to rest.

But the work is never completely finished. There is always another email, another responsibility, another goal, or another person who needs something from us. If we keep waiting until everything is done, taking care of ourselves may never make it onto the agenda.

In this episode of the This Therapist Has Problems Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Lauren Chase, founder of Climbing Hills Counseling, to talk about self-care, burnout, boundaries, anxiety, and the pressure high-achieving women often carry.

Our conversation offered an important reminder: you do not have to earn rest.

Self-Care Is Responsiveness to Yourself

Self-care is often packaged as massages, vacations, bubble baths, and expensive treats. Those things can absolutely be enjoyable, but they are not the whole picture.

As Dr. Chase explained, self-care is an intentional focus on what you need in the present moment—and then responding to that need.

Sometimes it is taking a walk while listening to an audiobook. Sometimes it is sitting quietly in your car for ten minutes. It may be watching a show simply because you enjoy it, setting a limit on your workday, or deciding that you are unavailable at a time that does not work for you.

The question is not, What should self-care look like? The better question is, What would actually replenish me right now?

That answer will not be the same for everyone, and it may not be the same for you every day.

Start by Asking Where You Feel Joy

One of my favorite questions from this conversation was simple:

Where do you feel the happiest and most fulfilled?

Many people struggle to answer it. We are so accustomed to moving from one obligation to the next that we may lose touch with what brings us peace, pleasure, or joy outside of productivity.

Self-awareness comes before intentional self-care. We have to slow down long enough to notice what we are feeling, what is draining us, and what helps us feel like ourselves again.

You do not need a long list. Begin with one honest answer.

What Did You Learn About Rest Growing Up?

Our beliefs about self-care do not develop in isolation. Many of us grew up watching adults work constantly, push through exhaustion, or treat rest as something that had to be earned.

Maybe no one around you modeled boundaries. Maybe caring for the family always came before caring for the individual. Maybe you learned that being responsible meant never needing a break.

Those lessons can follow us into adulthood without our realizing it.

Dr. Chase encourages people to look at their family-of-origin messages around rest and ask whether those patterns are still serving them. We can honor our families and cultures while also choosing a healthier relationship with our own needs.

Sometimes you are the person who gets to create a new blueprint.

Self-Care Is Not Selfish

Guilt is one of the biggest barriers to self-care, especially for mothers, caregivers, helpers, and people from cultures that place a strong value on collective responsibility.

Taking a short break can feel like stepping away from the people you are supposed to care for. But staying until you are overstimulated, resentful, or completely depleted does not help you show up as your healthiest self.

You are allowed to pause before frustration turns into yelling, shutting down, or responding in a way you later regret.

And when you do have a human moment, repair is still possible. As Dr. Chase shared from her work with parents, it is not only about what was said; what happens after matters too.

We are not perfect. We are human. Taking care of ourselves and practicing repair are both part of showing the people around us what emotional health can look like.

Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Care

Sometimes self-care looks less like adding something pleasant and more like removing something unsustainable.

It may sound like:

  • “I am not available at that time.”
  • “I cannot take that on right now.”
  • “I do not work weekends.”
  • “I need a few minutes before we continue this conversation.”
  • “No.”

For business owners, clinicians, caregivers, and high achievers, there will always be more that could be done. The challenge is accepting that doing more is not always the same as doing what matters.

A boundary protects your time, energy, relationships, and capacity to keep doing meaningful work without losing yourself in it.

You Are More Than the Hats You Wear

Dr. Chase spoke honestly about having to ask herself who Lauren was outside of being a counselor and counselor educator. After years of school and professional achievement, hobbies and identity outside of work had been pushed to the side.

That part of the conversation hit home for me. I have also had to tell myself to put down the educational books and choose something just because it is fun. Not everything has to teach us something, grow a business, improve a skill, or move us toward the next goal.

You are allowed to enjoy something without turning it into another form of productivity.

Your life is not only what you produce. 🌿

Recognizing Burnout Before Your Body Forces You to Stop

Dr. Chase described burnout as emotional, physical, and mental depletion—the feeling that your cup is empty and you have nothing more to give.

Burnout may look like:

  • No longer enjoying things that once brought you joy
  • Dreading responsibilities you previously managed
  • Feeling stuck, depleted, or emotionally empty
  • Moving constantly without feeling as though you are getting anywhere
  • Believing you are failing in every area of your life
  • Feeling unable to step off the “hamster wheel,” even when you are exhausted

One truth we returned to in this conversation was this: your body will stop you if you do not.

The goal is not to wait until you completely crash. It is to learn your warning signs and respond earlier—with rest, boundaries, support, or a meaningful change in how you are carrying your responsibilities.

One Small Step Still Counts

Self-care does not have to begin with a complete lifestyle overhaul. It can begin with one small action that makes caring for yourself easier.

Put your walking shoes by the door. Schedule the recurring appointment. Protect a small break in your calendar. Choose a stopping time for work. Listen to something that has nothing to do with your profession. Ask someone for help.

Small steps become habits, and habits help make care more sustainable.

If you are unsure where to begin, ask yourself:

  1. What is draining me most right now?
  2. What brings me even a small amount of peace or joy?
  3. What boundary would give me more room to breathe?
  4. What is one realistic step I can take this week?

You do not need to prove that you are exhausted enough. You do not have to finish everything first. You are already worthy of care.

Watch the Full Episode

Watch on YouTube:https://youtu.be/BXppEdY7qpo

Connect With Dr. Lauren Chase

Dr. Lauren Chase is the founder of Climbing Hills Counseling, where she supports high-achieving women navigating anxiety, burnout, perfectionism, and boundary fatigue.

Climbing Hills Counseling provides virtual therapy for women in North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, Vermont, and Idaho.

Resources & Support

If you recognize persistent exhaustion, loss of interest, anxiety, low mood, or difficulty functioning, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional or medical provider for individualized support.

Disclaimer: This article and podcast episode are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not substitutes for therapy, diagnosis, medical advice, or individualized mental health care. Reading, watching, or listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text 988 in the United States. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
Who Helps the Helpers? Mental Health, Motherhood & Purpose After Pain 🎙️

Who Helps the Helpers? Mental Health, Motherhood & Purpose After Pain 🎙️

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When the encourager needs encouragement too

For my very first guest on This Therapist Has Problems Podcast, I sat down with TarNeisha A. Mukoko for a conversation that felt like the perfect way to begin bringing other voices into this space.

TarNeisha is the Founder and CEO of Life With TarNeisha, LLC. She is a life and mental health coach, full-spectrum doula, minister, educator, speaker, community leader, and mother. She is also someone who understands what it means to keep showing up for other people while navigating her own very human experiences.

We talked about divorce, career transitions, motherhood, faith, her bipolar depression diagnosis, and the fear that needing help might cause people to question her ability to help them.

That fear is real for many people in helping roles. We are expected to know what to do, remain emotionally available, and somehow keep every part of our own lives together. But credentials do not remove our humanity. A calling does not make us immune to pain. Being the strong person does not mean we never need somewhere safe to fall apart.

As TarNeisha said during our conversation, “The encourager needs to be encouraged too.”

Who takes care of the strong one? 🤎

Some people become the person everyone calls.

You are the listener. The problem-solver. The one who remembers what everyone needs. The one who encourages, organizes, prays, checks in, and finds a way to keep things moving.

People may see your strength without recognizing what it costs you to maintain it.

TarNeisha described the weight of thinking for her home, her business, her son, the people she serves, and herself. At one point, she said she sometimes gets tired of having to think for herself because she is already carrying so many other responsibilities.

That is a feeling many women, mothers, caregivers, therapists, coaches, ministers, and community leaders understand. You can love what you do and still feel tired. You can be passionate about serving others and still need someone to ask, “What do you need?”

Those two truths can exist at the same time.

A diagnosis does not erase your calling 🧠

TarNeisha spoke openly about being diagnosed with bipolar depression and beginning medication and psychiatric care. She also shared the internal battle that followed.

Would people think she was incapable? Would they question whether she could still support others? Would the diagnosis become a stain that overshadowed her experience, training, faith, and purpose?

This is one of the reasons mental health stigma can be so damaging. A diagnosis may help explain what someone has been experiencing and guide them toward appropriate support. It does not erase their wisdom, gifts, professional abilities, or humanity.

People in helping professions are not required to be untouched by life before they can help someone else.

As I shared during our conversation, life be lifing over here too. I am a licensed therapist, but I still experience pain, disappointment, grief, stress, and seasons when I need support. Being trained to help people navigate difficult experiences does not mean I will never have difficult experiences of my own.

Sometimes our lived experiences allow us to sit with people differently. They can deepen our compassion and remind us that healing is not a straight line or a performance.

Faith and professional mental health care can coexist 🙏🏾

Faith was woven throughout our conversation because it is central to how TarNeisha understands her life and purpose. She spoke about prayer, obedience, spiritual guidance, and trusting God through seasons she did not fully understand.

She also spoke clearly about taking medication, seeing a therapist, working with a psychiatrist, and leaning on trusted people for support.

That matters.

In many faith communities, people still feel pressure to choose between prayer and professional mental health care. But receiving treatment does not mean someone lacks faith. Therapy, psychiatric care, medication, community, and spiritual support can each play a role in a person’s wellness.

Seeking help is not a rejection of faith. For many people, it is one of the ways they begin caring for the life they believe they were given.

Purpose after pain does not mean pretending the pain was good 🌱

TarNeisha did not begin her career expecting to become a life and mental health coach or a doula. She spent years working in education and once believed becoming a principal would be her next step.

Then life shifted.

Divorce, single motherhood, mental health challenges, and changing priorities caused her to reconsider what she wanted and what she could realistically carry during that season. She pursued life-coach certification, built Life With TarNeisha, later became a mental health coach, and accepted a scholarship opportunity to train as a full-spectrum doula.

Her journey is a reminder that purpose does not always arrive in a straight line. Sometimes it grows through a pivot. Sometimes it begins with an opportunity you do not completely understand. Sometimes it requires saying yes before you can see the full picture.

Purpose after pain does not require us to call every painful experience good. It means we are allowed to decide that pain will not have the final word. We can allow what we have lived through to deepen our understanding, redirect our choices, and help us create something meaningful.

Maternal mental health means caring for the mother too 💛

One of the most important parts of our conversation focused on TarNeisha’s work as a doula and the need to support the person who gave birth, not only the baby.

After a baby arrives, attention quickly shifts toward feeding schedules, sleep, diapers, appointments, and whether the baby is doing well. Meanwhile, the mother may be recovering physically, experiencing major emotional and hormonal changes, functioning with very little sleep, and trying to adjust to an entirely different life.

Who is checking on her?

Who is asking how she feels instead of only asking about the baby?

Who is making sure she can rest, eat, shower, attend appointments, and say honestly when she is not okay?

TarNeisha explained that doula support can look different for every family. It may include emotional support, helping someone identify what they need, watching the baby while a mother sleeps, picking up groceries, preparing food, or connecting the family with additional resources.

This kind of practical care matters because mental health does not exist separately from the rest of life.

Some emotional changes can occur during pregnancy and after birth. However, symptoms that persist, intensify, disrupt daily functioning, or create concerns about safety deserve professional assessment and support. They should not be dismissed as someone being dramatic or as “just hormones.”

Fathers and partners need support too 👥

TarNeisha also reminded us that fathers and partners can struggle during the postpartum period.

They may be supporting a recovering mother, caring for a newborn, managing other children, handling household responsibilities, worrying about finances, and trying to understand how to help while adjusting to parenthood themselves.

Who is checking on them?

Supporting maternal mental health does not mean ignoring everyone else in the family. It means recognizing that the well-being of parents, babies, and families is connected. Fathers and partners deserve accurate information, emotional support, and room to acknowledge when they are overwhelmed too.

Change requires support and personal ownership ✨

One of TarNeisha’s guiding statements is, “In order for your circumstances to change, you must first change.”

That does not mean blaming ourselves for everything that has happened to us. Trauma is real. Loss is real. Inequity is real. Other people’s choices can cause real harm.

Personal ownership means recognizing what is within our control now.

We may not be responsible for the wound, but we can decide what support we need to begin healing it. We can examine our patterns, challenge the stories we have accepted about ourselves, set boundaries, seek treatment, change our environment, and make different choices moving forward.

Support and accountability are not opposites. Often, the right support helps us take responsibility without turning that responsibility into shame.

A reminder for the helpers who are tired 🤎

If you are the person everyone depends on, I hope this conversation reminds you of a few things:

You are allowed to need support.

You are allowed to take medication when it is part of your treatment plan.

You are allowed to have a therapist, psychiatrist, mentor, spiritual leader, support group, or trusted community.

You are allowed to rest before you completely burn out.

You are allowed to be skilled, called, knowledgeable, and still human.

Needing help does not disqualify you from helping others. It may be the very thing that allows you to continue doing the work without losing yourself in it.

The encourager needs encouragement too.

Watch the full episode 🎧

In this episode of This Therapist Has Problems Podcast, TarNeisha and I talk more about mental health stigma, motherhood, faith, career transitions, doula support, and finding purpose after pain.

Thank you for stepping into my office and making room for honest conversations about mental health and being human.

Watch the full episode on YouTube: Who Helps the Helpers? Mental Health, Motherhood & Purpose After Pain

Connect with TarNeisha

Resources and support 🤍

If this episode brings something up for you, please know that you do not have to work through it alone. Use the resource that feels most appropriate for what you need right now.

Information about bipolar disorder:
The National Institute of Mental Health provides educational information about bipolar disorder, symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment. A qualified mental health professional can provide an individualized evaluation and treatment recommendations.

Maternal mental health support:
The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline offers free, confidential support 24 hours a day for pregnant people, new parents, and their families. Call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262).

Perinatal and postpartum resources:
Postpartum Support International provides information, support, and connections to local resources. Call 1-800-944-4773, press 1 for Spanish or 2 for English, or text HELP to 800-944-4773 in English. The PSI HelpLine is not an emergency or crisis line.

Support for fathers and partners:
Postpartum Support International also provides information and support resources for dads.

Black maternal mental health support:
The Shades of Blue Project offers culturally responsive maternal mental health advocacy, community resources, and support groups for women of color before, during, and after childbirth.

Therapy and coaching through M.B.S Whole Health:
To learn more about available mental health and coaching services, contact M.B.S Whole Health.

Immediate emotional crisis support:
If you are experiencing emotional distress, thoughts of suicide, or feel unsafe, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

You deserve care, support, and a space where you do not have to be the strong one every moment of every day.

Disclaimer

This blog and podcast episode are intended for informational and educational purposes only. The content is not a substitute for professional mental health care, therapy, diagnosis, treatment, or medical advice and does not establish a therapeutic relationship. The experiences discussed are personal and may not reflect every person’s experience with bipolar disorder, pregnancy, postpartum mental health, or treatment. Please contact a qualified mental health or medical professional for personalized support. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
Dusting Off the Microphone: What the Silence Held 🎙️

Dusting Off the Microphone: What the Silence Held 🎙️

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The Truth About Silent Grief After Pregnancy Loss

It has been forever since I posted an episode of This Therapist Has Problems Podcast.

For months, I thought about how I would come back. Do I just press record and move forward like nothing happened? Do I jump into the next topic? Do I avoid the personal update and keep it professional?

But if you have been here before, you already know this podcast was not created for surface-level conversations. This space was created for honesty, transparency, and real conversations about the things we often carry in silence. 🤍

So as I launch Season 2, I am dusting off the microphone and sharing what the silence held.

The vulnerability hangover is real 🫣

I will be honest. This episode felt vulnerable in a way I did not fully expect.

There is a difference between sharing from a healed place and sharing while still feeling the tenderness of what happened. I had to sit with whether I was ready to say certain things out loud. I had to ask myself if sharing this story was necessary, helpful, or simply too much.

What I came back to is this: some stories are hard to tell because they are connected to the parts of us that are still healing.

And sometimes, even when it feels scary, telling the truth gives somebody else permission to stop carrying their pain alone.

What happened behind the silence 🌿

In this episode, I share a personal life update about an unexpected pregnancy after having my tubes tied, the concern for a possible ectopic pregnancy, repeated blood work, physical pain, fear, and ultimately the emotional weight of miscarriage.

This was not something I planned for. It was not something I expected. And it was not something I knew how to quickly process.

There was a lot happening at once. Medically, I was being told that the loss may have been the best-case scenario because of the risk connected to a possible ectopic pregnancy. Emotionally, there was nothing about it that felt simple, easy, or like good news.

That is the part I wanted to give language to.

Sometimes grief is complicated. Sometimes grief shows up even when the situation was not something you asked for, planned for, or thought you wanted. Sometimes your mind understands one thing while your heart, body, and spirit are trying to catch up.

Grief does not always come with condolences 🕊️

One of the thoughts that stayed with me is that sometimes grief does not come with condolences.

Not because people do not care, but because they may not know what to say. They may not understand why something hurts as deeply as it does. They may be focused on the medical outcome, the practical details, or the fact that things could have been worse.

But grief does not need permission to be real.

You do not have to justify why something hurt you. You do not have to prove your loss was big enough. You do not have to explain why you are grieving something that was unexpected.

If it mattered to you, it matters. 🤍

Why this conversation matters right now ✨

This episode is also being released during National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month and in recognition of Black Maternal Mental Health Week, observed July 19 through July 25.

That timing matters.

So many Black women and women of color are carrying reproductive grief, pregnancy loss, medical trauma, fear, confusion, and silent pain while still being expected to function, work, care for others, and keep going.

We are often praised for being strong, but strength does not mean we are not hurting.

Strength does not mean we do not need support.

Strength does not mean we should have to process grief in silence.

This conversation is not just about my story. It is also about creating space for the stories that often go untold.

Listening to your body matters 💛

One of the biggest reminders from this experience was the importance of listening to my body.

I knew something was off before I had answers. I could feel that something was not right. And because I listened, I was able to get medical attention before things became more dangerous.

I want to be clear that this episode is not medical advice. But it is a reminder to pay attention to your body, ask questions, advocate for yourself, and keep pushing when something does not feel right.

Your body matters.

Your concerns matter.

Your questions matter.

Healing does not mean pretending it did not happen 🌱

Healing did not mean I stopped feeling anything. Healing did not mean I was suddenly okay. Healing did not mean I could check grief off a list and move on.

Healing looked like resting when I wanted to keep pushing.

It looked like crying when I needed to cry.

It looked like allowing myself to be human, even as a therapist.

It looked like giving myself permission to not have all the answers.

And slowly, the grief did not feel the same way it felt in the beginning. It was still real, but it was not as heavy every single day.

That is what healing can do. It may not erase what happened, but it can teach you how to carry it with more gentleness.

A reminder for anyone holding silent pain 🤎

If you have been carrying something quietly, I hope this episode reminds you that you are not alone.

Your story matters.

Your body matters.

Your grief deserves space.

Even if it happened years ago.

Even if other people did not understand.

Even if you minimized it because you thought you had to be strong.

Even if you never gave yourself permission to call it grief.

It is not too late to acknowledge what happened, honor what you lost, and make room for your own healing.

Watch the full episode 🎧

Season 2 of This Therapist Has Problems Podcast begins with honesty, vulnerability, and a reminder that therapists are human too.

Thank you for stepping back into my office.

Watch the full episode on YouTube: Dusting Off the Microphone: What the Silence Held

Resources and support 🤍

If this episode brings something up for you, please know that you do not have to process it alone. Whether your experience is recent or something you have carried quietly for years, support is available.

Pregnancy loss and grief support:
Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support offers support for those impacted by pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or infant loss, including help finding support by state.

Miscarriage, loss, and grief education:
March of Dimes has resources for miscarriage, pregnancy loss, grief, and finding comfort after loss.

Maternal mental health support:
The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline provides free, confidential, 24/7 support for pregnant and postpartum individuals and their families. Call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA.

Perinatal mental health and support groups:
Postpartum Support International offers a HelpLine, online support groups, and resources for pregnancy, postpartum, pregnancy loss, and pregnancy after loss.

Black maternal mental health support:
The Shades of Blue Project focuses on maternal mental health support for women of color and minority communities, including Black Maternal Mental Health awareness and resources.

Black maternal health advocacy and education:
Black Mamas Matter Alliance centers Black mamas and birthing people through advocacy, research, education, and Black maternal health resources.

Immediate emotional crisis support:
If you are in emotional distress, experiencing thoughts of suicide, or feel unsafe, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Please use the resources that feel most supportive for where you are right now. You deserve care, support, and space to heal.

Disclaimer

This blog and podcast episode are intended for informational and educational purposes only. The content provided is not a substitute for professional mental health care, therapy, or medical advice and does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. Please reach out to a licensed mental health or medical professional in your area for personalized support and guidance.
Has Your Coping Tool Become an Addiction?

Has Your Coping Tool Become an Addiction?

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Coping Skills vs Addiction & High-Functioning Addiction Signs

We all have that go-to at the end of a stressful day, maybe it’s a glass of wine 🍷, a quick shopping scroll 🛍, comfort food 🍰, or endless phone time 📱. At first, it feels harmless. But sometimes, that “little treat” can quietly grow into something much bigger, and harder to control.

In this post, we’ll explore the fine line between a healthy coping habit and a dependency, plus how to recognize the signs before your stress reliever starts running the show.

From Habit to Addiction: Understanding Coping Skills vs Addiction

Habit: Something you do regularly, often without thinking.
Compulsion: You feel anxious or unsettled if you don’t do it.
Addiction: You keep doing it despite negative consequences to your health, relationships, or finances, and you feel powerless to stop.

It’s not just substances like alcohol or drugs that can become addictive. Shopping, food, vaping, social media, and even work can take on that same addictive role if they become your only way to cope.

The High-Functioning Addiction Trap

Addiction doesn’t always look like chaos. High-functioning addiction can hide behind a polished exterior, a clean home, a thriving career, a perfect social media feed, while the person struggles privately. This makes it easy to dismiss or ignore the warning signs because “everything looks fine.”

Therapist Tip of the Week 🧠

If your favorite stress reliever feels impossible to skip for even a week, it may be time to reassess its role in your life.

Action Step ✅

Pick one day this week to skip your usual coping habit and replace it with a healthy alternative, a walk outside, journaling, connecting with a friend. Notice how you feel before, during, and after. Awareness is the first step toward change.

Why Awareness Matters in Breaking Unhealthy Coping Patterns

Addiction thrives in silence. The goal isn’t to label yourself or quit cold turkey today. It’s about self-reflection, asking honest questions and noticing patterns before they take over. Healing is possible, and you deserve to live a life where your happiness isn’t dependent on something outside of you.

Listen to the Full Conversation

I dive deeper into this topic, share my own vulnerable story, and walk you through practical steps for self-assessment in the latest episode of This Therapist Has Problems Podcast.

🎧 Watch on YouTube

Resources & Support

📍 Texas Residents – Work with Me:
🌐 https://mbswholehealth.com/contact/

📚 Addiction & Mental Health Support:

Disclaimer:
This blog is intended for informational and educational purposes only. The content provided is not a substitute for professional mental health care or therapy and does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
Survival Mode: The Hidden Face of Anxiety

Survival Mode: The Hidden Face of Anxiety

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When’s the last time you felt at ease? Not distracted, not exhausted, not over-committed, but truly present and peaceful.

If you’re always on edge, running through mental checklists, replaying conversations, or bracing for the next thing to go wrong, you may be living in survival mode. And anxiety could be the silent driver.

Here’s the thing: anxiety doesn’t always look like panic attacks or full-blown breakdowns. Sometimes, it hides in high achievement. In overthinking. In constantly being “on.” And while anxiety is a normal human emotion that helps keep us safe, chronic anxiety can leave us emotionally depleted, physically tense, and mentally scattered.

Let’s break it down.

Anxiety Isn’t Always Loud, But It’s Always There

Many of my clients don’t realize they’re struggling with anxiety until we slow things down. Why? Because we often normalize our symptoms. We tell ourselves “I’m just busy” or “That’s just my personality.” But when stress becomes your baseline and rest feels foreign, you may be operating in survival mode without even knowing it.

Common signs of high-functioning or chronic anxiety include:

  • Overthinking and catastrophizing
  • Trouble sleeping or staying asleep
  • Feeling tense in your shoulders, neck, or jaw
  • Saying yes when you want to say no
  • Struggling to sit still or relax
  • Always planning, preparing, or fixing in your mind
  • Feeling guilty when you’re not being “productive”

Does any of this sound familiar? You’re not alone. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 2 in 10 U.S. adults will experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives. Anxiety is common, but that doesn’t mean it should go unaddressed.

Stress vs. Anxiety: What’s the Difference?

Stress is often tied to a specific situation. It’s temporary. Once the event passes, your nervous system can return to a baseline.

Anxiety, on the other hand, is like an alarm that won’t shut off. You’re constantly scanning for danger. You’re restless even in calm moments. It’s that voice in the back of your head whispering, “What did I forget?” or “What if everything falls apart?”

This kind of chronic vigilance wears you down and over time, it impacts your health, your sleep, your relationships, and your quality of life.

How Anxiety Shows Up in the Body

One of the most important things I share with clients is this: if you don’t deal with it mentally, your body will carry it physically.

Chronic anxiety can lead to:

  • Frequent headaches
  • Muscle tension or jaw clenching
  • Upset stomach or nausea
  • Fatigue and low energy
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Increased heart rate or shallow breathing

Your body will tell the story, even when your mouth stays quiet.

So What Can You Do About It?

You are not broken. You are not weak. You are likely overwhelmed, and there is support for that.

Here are a few evidence-based tools and strategies I use with my clients (and in my own life):

✅ Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT helps you challenge intrusive thoughts and replace them with grounded, realistic beliefs. Just because you think it doesn’t make it true.

✅ Mindfulness & Grounding Techniques

From the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory scan to 4×4 breathing and progressive muscle relaxation, these tools bring you back to the present moment where peace lives.

✅ Psychoeducation

Learning about anxiety, how it shows up, what triggers it, and what your brain is actually doing is empowering. Education is a form of healing.

✅ Somatic Awareness

Anxiety isn’t just in your head. It lives in your body. Exercise, stretching, and somatic therapies can help move that anxious energy out.

Take the GAD-7 Screener

If you’re wondering whether what you’re feeling is anxiety, the GAD-7 is a quick and simple screening tool that can help. It asks about your symptoms over the past week and offers a score that can guide your next steps.

🔗 Take the GAD-7 Now

Remember, your score doesn’t define you. But it can inform you, and that’s where change begins.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve More Than Survival

If you’re constantly pushing through, planning your way out of panic, or living in your head 24/7, please hear this:

You deserve more than survival mode.
You deserve rest.
You deserve peace.
You deserve to feel like yourself again.

🎥 Watch the Full Episode: Anxiety Has You Trapped in Survival Mode

Ready to Take the First Step?

If something in this resonated with you, take the first step by checking in with your body, your mind, and your spirit. Whether you’re seeking therapy, exploring self-help tools, or just starting to put language to what you’re feeling, this conversation is for you.

📍 Looking for a therapist in Texas? Reach out to me here to learn more or schedule a session.

📚 Outside of Texas? Explore Psychology Today or Open Path Collective to find support near you.

Need support now?
📞 Call or text 988 for immediate help through the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

And if this post resonated with you, I invite you to watch the full podcast episode below for a deeper, more personal conversation on anxiety and what healing can look like.

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