ADHD in Black Women: When “I’m Lazy” Becomes “I Need Support”
“I used to think I was lazy.”
That is how Quinn Alston described the way she once understood herself. She knew what she wanted to do. She knew she was capable. Yet getting started, deciding what to do first, and following through could feel much harder than the task itself appeared.
In this episode of This Therapist Has Problems, I sit down with Quinn to talk about ADHD in Black women, motherhood, work, and the emotional weight of trying to make sense of yourself without enough information.
Her story is personal. It also creates space for an important question: What happens when we become curious about a struggle we have been judging?
Watch our full conversation: ADHD in Black Women
When life leaves less room for the systems you used before
Quinn described a shift as her responsibilities grew. Before becoming a mother, she had more room to work around her own timing. With a job, two children, and a home to care for, that flexibility became harder to find.
A task she once could spread across an afternoon now had to fit into the time before someone needed her. The responsibilities increased while the time available to manage them became smaller.
I want to preserve that distinction. Quinn was describing how motherhood made existing difficulties harder to overlook. She was not saying that becoming a mother caused ADHD.
The CDC explains that ADHD begins in childhood and that its effects can become more apparent as adult demands increase. Evaluation also considers a person’s history and other possible explanations, including anxiety, depression, or sleep problems. Read the CDC’s adult ADHD overview.
Being overwhelmed deserves attention whether ADHD is part of the explanation or not.
Getting the job done did not tell the whole story
At work, Quinn’s colleagues saw someone who delivered. They did not necessarily see how difficult it could be to begin a single email, how long she put something off, or how much pressure she relied on to finish.
When she told a coworker about her diagnosis and treatment, the coworker was surprised by how recently she had sought care.
That part of the conversation matters to me. We can appreciate what someone accomplishes and still ask what it costs them to keep accomplishing it.
For Quinn, being seen as capable sometimes meant that her struggle stayed hidden. She was meeting expectations while privately questioning why ordinary tasks felt so heavy.
Her experience also challenges a narrow picture of who ADHD can affect. NIMH notes that ADHD symptoms in girls and women may be missed in childhood. Quinn’s story puts a human voice beside that possibility. Learn more from NIMH.
The list had to become something she could use
One of Quinn’s practical changes was shortening her to-do lists.
A running list of everything she needed to do was overwhelming. She described giving different parts of her life three “dots,” or specific tasks, so she could identify a manageable place to begin.
Her approach was not necessarily three tasks for the entire day. She described separate small lists for work, home, personal needs, and community responsibilities.
What I appreciate is the attention to what helped her act. Instead of “answer every email,” she could identify the one email that needed her attention.
Quinn also prefers paper planners and visible reminders. Undated pages reduced the guilt she felt when she did not use every day. A small notebook gave her somewhere to capture something she wanted to remember.
These are her tools. You do not have to buy a new planner or use her exact system to take something from the conversation. You might ask: Is the way I am organizing this task helping me begin, or making the task feel larger?
A routine could offer structure without so much pressure
Quinn made a useful distinction between a schedule and a routine.
A schedule could feel like a demand to do something at an exact time. A routine gave her a familiar order she could return to.
She described missing a step or a night without deciding that the entire effort had failed. There was room to return the next day.
That invitation reaches beyond productivity. We can build structure without making every interruption a verdict about who we are.
Some responsibilities still have firm times. An appointment or school pickup cannot always become flexible. But there may be other parts of a day where a repeatable sequence fits better than another rigid expectation.
Relief and grief can sit beside each other
Quinn described relief after speaking with a provider who listened. The struggle she had been questioning felt real and acknowledged.
She also talked about the questions that followed: What might have been different if she had understood herself earlier? What about the classes, plans, and attempts she remembered struggling through?
I do not hear those questions as a reason to stay stuck in the past. I hear how much those experiences mattered.
A new understanding can bring hope while also changing how someone sees earlier chapters of life. Quinn’s conversation makes room for both.
It also reminds me that support does not have to begin with proving how much you have suffered. You can ask for help while you are still showing up.
Care was a process, not a single appointment
Quinn spoke openly about working with her provider, tracking what she noticed, and describing what was and was not helping.
Her account belongs to her. It does not tell another person which medication to take or how quickly treatment should work.
ADHD care can include medication and psychotherapy, with an approach tailored to the person. NIMH describes common treatment options here.
If you recognize parts of yourself in this episode, you can bring specific examples to a qualified provider: what is difficult, when it happens, and how it affects work, home, or relationships. A relatable episode can help you find language. It cannot establish your diagnosis.
Questions about medication changes, side effects, caffeine, or alcohol belong with your prescriber or pharmacist.
Supporting someone starts with listening
We also talked about how families and friends can respond.
I want the invitation to be simple: describe what you notice with care, leave room for the person’s perspective, and ask what support would be useful.
That might sound like:
“I’ve noticed you seem overwhelmed when there are several things to manage. How has that been feeling for you?”
Or:
“Thank you for telling me. How can I support you?”
You do not have to diagnose someone to take their experience seriously. You also do not have to dismiss a diagnosis because that person seems successful or because you have never seen their hardest moments.
Quinn’s vision for community
Quinn is the founder of Limitless Black Women, a new organization created for Black women navigating ADHD and anxiety. Drawing from her own experience with ADHD, she is building the community, real-life tools, and connections to culturally competent providers she wishes she had sooner.
She also serves as the operations lead for DFW Black Moms Walking Club, where she helps build the infrastructure that supports the community. Across both roles, her focus is creating structure that frees women to show up for their families, their communities, and themselves.
Limitless Black Women is launching soon. You can learn more through the website below.
Connect with Quinn: https://www.limitlessblackwomen.com/
A question to take with you
What have you been criticizing yourself for that deserves a closer look and more support?
You do not have to answer publicly. Write it down, bring it to someone you trust, or use it to begin a conversation with a provider.
Quinn’s closing encouragement was to be gentle with yourself. I hope you carry that with you as you decide what support you need next.
Watch Quinn’s complete conversation: ADHD in Black Women
Read my separate personal reflection, “You Can Be Proud and Still Grieve”: ADHD in Black Women
About Quinn
Quinn Alston is a DFW-based wife, mother of two, and HR professional specializing in employee benefits operations. She serves as operations lead for DFW Black Moms Walking Club and is the founder of Limitless Black Women, a new organization for Black women navigating ADHD and anxiety. She is passionate about building practical systems that help women show up fully for their families, communities, and themselves.
Resources mentioned in our conversation
- DFW Black Moms Walking Club: the community organization Quinn discusses.
- Limitless Black Women: Quinn’s new organization for Black women navigating ADHD and anxiety, launching soon.
Additional educational resources
These additional resources were selected for readers; they are not presented as Quinn’s recommendations.
Work with me
Through M.B.S. Whole Health, I offer adult individual counseling, life coaching, and LPC Associate supervision. Explore services or send an inquiry.
M.B.S. Whole Health | 682-292-8306 | info@mbswholehealth.com
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My hope is that these conversations help you feel seen, encouraged, and better informed. They’re here for education and connection, and don’t replace therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice tailored to your needs. If you’re in crisis, please contact 911 or 988 as you deserve timely support from a crisis service, as my inquiry form and social media accounts aren’t equipped to provide that care.
