When the encourager needs encouragement too

For my very first guest on This Therapist Has Problems Podcast, I sat down with TarNeisha A. Mukoko for a conversation that felt like the perfect way to begin bringing other voices into this space.

TarNeisha is the Founder and CEO of Life With TarNeisha, LLC. She is a life and mental health coach, full-spectrum doula, minister, educator, speaker, community leader, and mother. She is also someone who understands what it means to keep showing up for other people while navigating her own very human experiences.

We talked about divorce, career transitions, motherhood, faith, her bipolar depression diagnosis, and the fear that needing help might cause people to question her ability to help them.

That fear is real for many people in helping roles. We are expected to know what to do, remain emotionally available, and somehow keep every part of our own lives together. But credentials do not remove our humanity. A calling does not make us immune to pain. Being the strong person does not mean we never need somewhere safe to fall apart.

As TarNeisha said during our conversation, “The encourager needs to be encouraged too.”

Who takes care of the strong one? 🤎

Some people become the person everyone calls.

You are the listener. The problem-solver. The one who remembers what everyone needs. The one who encourages, organizes, prays, checks in, and finds a way to keep things moving.

People may see your strength without recognizing what it costs you to maintain it.

TarNeisha described the weight of thinking for her home, her business, her son, the people she serves, and herself. At one point, she said she sometimes gets tired of having to think for herself because she is already carrying so many other responsibilities.

That is a feeling many women, mothers, caregivers, therapists, coaches, ministers, and community leaders understand. You can love what you do and still feel tired. You can be passionate about serving others and still need someone to ask, “What do you need?”

Those two truths can exist at the same time.

A diagnosis does not erase your calling 🧠

TarNeisha spoke openly about being diagnosed with bipolar depression and beginning medication and psychiatric care. She also shared the internal battle that followed.

Would people think she was incapable? Would they question whether she could still support others? Would the diagnosis become a stain that overshadowed her experience, training, faith, and purpose?

This is one of the reasons mental health stigma can be so damaging. A diagnosis may help explain what someone has been experiencing and guide them toward appropriate support. It does not erase their wisdom, gifts, professional abilities, or humanity.

People in helping professions are not required to be untouched by life before they can help someone else.

As I shared during our conversation, life be lifing over here too. I am a licensed therapist, but I still experience pain, disappointment, grief, stress, and seasons when I need support. Being trained to help people navigate difficult experiences does not mean I will never have difficult experiences of my own.

Sometimes our lived experiences allow us to sit with people differently. They can deepen our compassion and remind us that healing is not a straight line or a performance.

Faith and professional mental health care can coexist 🙏🏾

Faith was woven throughout our conversation because it is central to how TarNeisha understands her life and purpose. She spoke about prayer, obedience, spiritual guidance, and trusting God through seasons she did not fully understand.

She also spoke clearly about taking medication, seeing a therapist, working with a psychiatrist, and leaning on trusted people for support.

That matters.

In many faith communities, people still feel pressure to choose between prayer and professional mental health care. But receiving treatment does not mean someone lacks faith. Therapy, psychiatric care, medication, community, and spiritual support can each play a role in a person’s wellness.

Seeking help is not a rejection of faith. For many people, it is one of the ways they begin caring for the life they believe they were given.

Purpose after pain does not mean pretending the pain was good 🌱

TarNeisha did not begin her career expecting to become a life and mental health coach or a doula. She spent years working in education and once believed becoming a principal would be her next step.

Then life shifted.

Divorce, single motherhood, mental health challenges, and changing priorities caused her to reconsider what she wanted and what she could realistically carry during that season. She pursued life-coach certification, built Life With TarNeisha, later became a mental health coach, and accepted a scholarship opportunity to train as a full-spectrum doula.

Her journey is a reminder that purpose does not always arrive in a straight line. Sometimes it grows through a pivot. Sometimes it begins with an opportunity you do not completely understand. Sometimes it requires saying yes before you can see the full picture.

Purpose after pain does not require us to call every painful experience good. It means we are allowed to decide that pain will not have the final word. We can allow what we have lived through to deepen our understanding, redirect our choices, and help us create something meaningful.

Maternal mental health means caring for the mother too 💛

One of the most important parts of our conversation focused on TarNeisha’s work as a doula and the need to support the person who gave birth, not only the baby.

After a baby arrives, attention quickly shifts toward feeding schedules, sleep, diapers, appointments, and whether the baby is doing well. Meanwhile, the mother may be recovering physically, experiencing major emotional and hormonal changes, functioning with very little sleep, and trying to adjust to an entirely different life.

Who is checking on her?

Who is asking how she feels instead of only asking about the baby?

Who is making sure she can rest, eat, shower, attend appointments, and say honestly when she is not okay?

TarNeisha explained that doula support can look different for every family. It may include emotional support, helping someone identify what they need, watching the baby while a mother sleeps, picking up groceries, preparing food, or connecting the family with additional resources.

This kind of practical care matters because mental health does not exist separately from the rest of life.

Some emotional changes can occur during pregnancy and after birth. However, symptoms that persist, intensify, disrupt daily functioning, or create concerns about safety deserve professional assessment and support. They should not be dismissed as someone being dramatic or as “just hormones.”

Fathers and partners need support too 👥

TarNeisha also reminded us that fathers and partners can struggle during the postpartum period.

They may be supporting a recovering mother, caring for a newborn, managing other children, handling household responsibilities, worrying about finances, and trying to understand how to help while adjusting to parenthood themselves.

Who is checking on them?

Supporting maternal mental health does not mean ignoring everyone else in the family. It means recognizing that the well-being of parents, babies, and families is connected. Fathers and partners deserve accurate information, emotional support, and room to acknowledge when they are overwhelmed too.

Change requires support and personal ownership ✨

One of TarNeisha’s guiding statements is, “In order for your circumstances to change, you must first change.”

That does not mean blaming ourselves for everything that has happened to us. Trauma is real. Loss is real. Inequity is real. Other people’s choices can cause real harm.

Personal ownership means recognizing what is within our control now.

We may not be responsible for the wound, but we can decide what support we need to begin healing it. We can examine our patterns, challenge the stories we have accepted about ourselves, set boundaries, seek treatment, change our environment, and make different choices moving forward.

Support and accountability are not opposites. Often, the right support helps us take responsibility without turning that responsibility into shame.

A reminder for the helpers who are tired 🤎

If you are the person everyone depends on, I hope this conversation reminds you of a few things:

You are allowed to need support.

You are allowed to take medication when it is part of your treatment plan.

You are allowed to have a therapist, psychiatrist, mentor, spiritual leader, support group, or trusted community.

You are allowed to rest before you completely burn out.

You are allowed to be skilled, called, knowledgeable, and still human.

Needing help does not disqualify you from helping others. It may be the very thing that allows you to continue doing the work without losing yourself in it.

The encourager needs encouragement too.

Watch the full episode 🎧

In this episode of This Therapist Has Problems Podcast, TarNeisha and I talk more about mental health stigma, motherhood, faith, career transitions, doula support, and finding purpose after pain.

Thank you for stepping into my office and making room for honest conversations about mental health and being human.

Watch the full episode on YouTube: Who Helps the Helpers? Mental Health, Motherhood & Purpose After Pain

Connect with TarNeisha

• Website: Life With TarNeisha
• Instagram: @lifewithtarneisha
• Facebook: Life With TarNeisha
• LinkedIn: TarNeisha A. Mukoko

Resources and support 🤍

If this episode brings something up for you, please know that you do not have to work through it alone. Use the resource that feels most appropriate for what you need right now.

Information about bipolar disorder:
The National Institute of Mental Health provides educational information about bipolar disorder, symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment. A qualified mental health professional can provide an individualized evaluation and treatment recommendations.

Maternal mental health support:
The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline offers free, confidential support 24 hours a day for pregnant people, new parents, and their families. Call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262).

Perinatal and postpartum resources:
Postpartum Support International provides information, support, and connections to local resources. Call 1-800-944-4773, press 1 for Spanish or 2 for English, or text HELP to 800-944-4773 in English. The PSI HelpLine is not an emergency or crisis line.

Support for fathers and partners:
Postpartum Support International also provides information and support resources for dads.

Black maternal mental health support:
The Shades of Blue Project offers culturally responsive maternal mental health advocacy, community resources, and support groups for women of color before, during, and after childbirth.

Therapy and coaching through M.B.S Whole Health:
To learn more about available mental health and coaching services, contact M.B.S Whole Health.

Immediate emotional crisis support:
If you are experiencing emotional distress, thoughts of suicide, or feel unsafe, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

You deserve care, support, and a space where you do not have to be the strong one every moment of every day.

Disclaimer

This blog and podcast episode are intended for informational and educational purposes only. The content is not a substitute for professional mental health care, therapy, diagnosis, treatment, or medical advice and does not establish a therapeutic relationship. The experiences discussed are personal and may not reflect every person’s experience with bipolar disorder, pregnancy, postpartum mental health, or treatment. Please contact a qualified mental health or medical professional for personalized support. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.