Forgiveness… that is such a loaded word. What does it mean? Why is it necessary? Do I really have to? I am sure you have heard the statement “forgiveness is for you and not the other person” plenty of times. But, do you believe that? What is your forgiveness track record? I think before we get into forgiveness talk we should start with the offense. Trust me, I have had a fair share of transgressions taken against me:  abandonment, childhood sexual abuse, abusive relationships, betrayal by family members, backstabbing from friends, and so on. I understand how cruel this world can be and how it can leave you feeling used and abused. So, when the word forgiveness comes up the first thing that may come to mind is “but you don’t know what they did to me” “you don’t know how much that damaged me” “but they never even said they were sorry!!”

I hear you, I feel your pain, I understand. What I have learned in my journey is that I have no control of people. Some people will take and hurt and walk away like nothing happened. And we are left holding the broken pieces wondering how to put our lives back together.  I know it may be cliché, but I promise you that forgiveness is not about the other person. I also promise that forgiveness does not mean you agree with what was done or you liked what was done or that you can forget about what was done. Forgiveness does not magically erase the wrongdoing.

Forgiveness allows you to:

• Reflect on the facts of what occurred
• Take an honest assessment of how you were affected (mentally, physically, and/or emotionally)
• Have the right to choose to release yourself from the feelings of hate, anger, and revenge
• Empowers you to no longer be defined or victimized by what was done to you
• Equips you to create boundaries as you move forward

Just as difficult as it can be to forgive someone else, I have learned that it is often even harder to forgive ourselves. We may forgive those who have hurt us but how often do we beat ourselves up about what we could have done better? or what we should have done? or how could we have allowed this to happen? A lot of times we hold ourselves up to such unattainable standards that we make ourselves hostage to the “should of- could of”.

Self-forgiveness allows you to:

• Be honest with yourself about any part that you played in the harm of yourself or others
• Understand that it is human to make mistakes
• Ask for forgiveness (from yourself, others, and/or your higher power)
• Move from a place of guilt and shame to true self-acceptance

Forgiveness (of yourself and others) is an essential tool in becoming emotionally healthy and having peace of mind. I know it can be hard to forgive and knowing how to start this process can be even harder. My recommendation would be to seek help to begin this journey. A counselor is equipped to walk with you as you address the pain of wrongdoings and they will support you as move toward a place of acceptance and forgiveness.

Looking for someone to walk with you on this path of forgiveness? Take the next step and click the “contact” link to schedule a consultation.

It is a common saying in addiction treatment that “secrets keep you sick” and “you’re only as sick as your secrets”. This saying not only applies to individuals who are dealing with chemical dependency but also to every one of us who chooses to suffer in silence rather than reveal our struggles to the ones who love us. But where does this need to hide come from? Have you ever wanted to talk to a friend, spouse, or family member about something that is pressing on your heart but instead you choose to keep it inside? What is that “thing” you are running from? Is it the fear of embarrassment? The fear of judgment? The fear of disappointment? The fear of no longer living up to their expectations? Are you afraid that they will treat you differently? That they won’t listen to what you have to say? That they will try to “fix” you?

The act of being able to get things out of your head and speak them is such a cathartic experience that God told us that we can speak things into existence (Romans 4:17) and that life and death is in the power of our tongues (Proverbs 18:21). If you understand what power you have by simply speaking, it is no wonder why our tongues are often held captive by fear and shame.

Fear and shame is like a fungus that breeds and grows in darkness; the longer we hold things inside and try to cover them up the more fear and shame keeps us silent. The quote in the image above states that talking has the ability to kill the power, of the thoughts in our minds, by allowing the truth of things to hit the air. What does this really mean? I have sat across from clients who are speaking thoughts that have been running circles in their mind creating fear, worry, and anxiety. As they begin to speak these thoughts aloud I can see the light bulb go off, they often say “now that I hear myself say it aloud, I really should have done this or I really should not have worried about that”.  Speaking things aloud allows you to hear what you have said, decipher if what you have said is true, and empowers you to choose what to do with this new information.

I know it can be hard to open up and share your thoughts or secrets, especially if you have been holding on to it for so long. But I implore you to consider talking to someone; maybe a close trusted friend, spouse, family member, clergy member, or a local counselor. Set the stage for your needs; it is fair to ask this person to simply listen, without judgment or feedback, and just give you the opportunity to share what has been on your mind and heart. If you’re thinking, “I’m not ready to share this secret with someone else just yet”, remember that God is always available, ready, and willing to listen (Psalm 61).

A friend is someone you share the path with. ~ African proverb

Looking for a safe space to begin the conversation? Take the next step and contact me if you have any questions or would like to schedule a 30-minute consultation.

There is so much going on in the world right now. Hurricanes, floods, tornadoes, fires, mudslides, and multitudes of senseless crimes are being seen around the world in epic proportions. It has led me (and I am sure you as well) to ask the question WHY?  Why all the pain and suffering we see daily? What is the purpose? When being inundated with information it is so easy to get swept away into the media frenzies which keeps us aware but also causes residual trauma from overexposure. When you log out of social media for the day and turn off the TV; how are you dealing with your own personal trials and struggles? How are you processing both what you have taken in and what you are personally experiencing?  Life has a way of bringing issue after issue and before you can catch your breath and recover yet another issue has hit you.

In my personal journey I have experienced so many trials and I have asked God, WHY? Why is it always something? Why can I never catch a break? Do I really have to experience all of this? What is the point? It seemed as if God had placed me in a pit and the more I tried to dig myself out the harder it became to see the light of day. It wasn’t until I decided that I could not walk this journey alone that I was able to empower myself to no longer be a victim but rather use my struggles as a testimony to others. There is no shame in admitting that you cannot do it alone. There is power in transparency and asking for help. Sometimes, your prayer needs to transform from “Lord move this mountain” to “Lord give me the strength to climb”. I cannot tell you why you are experiencing that pain. I cannot answer why we are seeing such tragedy in the world; but what I know for sure is that you are not alone. God gives us one another to lean on in our times of weakness. If you find that you are struggling please reach out to a trusted family member, friend, minister, and/ or counselor. You do not have to walk this journey alone. You never know who is watching you and depending on your testimony to get them through their own personal journey.

Ecclesiastes 4:10-12 “If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

If I am being honest, I must admit that I love butterflies and they hold a very special meaning for me. The butterfly for me represents hope and new beginnings. Butterflies come in all shapes, sizes, and colors; and they are each beautiful in their own way. But before we get to enjoy and admire the butterfly’s beauty we should acknowledge the process.  We have all heard the story of how a caterpillar becomes a beautiful butterfly; the caterpillar eats and eats until it is time to cocoon itself and wait for a radical transformation. But how does the story of the caterpillar translate to your life? Consider what the caterpillar has gone through prior to being able to test out those beautiful wings. The caterpillar has to sacrifice who it is in order to become what it was created to be. In our lives, we face a multitude of challenges, some that are self-imposed and others that were imposed upon us. Some of us have experienced hurts and pains that are unspeakable and often remain unspoken. From childhood we search for meaning, purpose, love, fulfillment, joy, acceptance. Our past may often hinder us from stepping out on faith and allowing God to reveal the purpose He has for our lives.  I compel you to ask yourself- What is it going to take for me to transform from who I am today to who God has called me to be? Your journey can begin as soon as you are ready. Your wings are waiting for you!

We live in a world that is constantly on the move. We hit the snooze button a few times on our alarm and then we jump out of bed to start a day that is go-go-go until we fall into bed at night just to start all over again in the morning. I dare you to pause for just a second and consider- What have you done today to take care of you? Think about that. When was the last time you sought out to do something that prioritized your wellbeing? On those days when you feel stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, and downright run down; do you feel guilty for wanting time to rejuvenate yourself? We have been conditioned to think that the care of self is selfish. It is important to remember that you can’t give away what you don’t have. If you push yourself until you have nothing left to give, you aren’t much good to yourself or anyone else. It is ok to take time for yourself. It is ok to admit that you can’t do it all. It is ok to ask for help. When you neglect to give your mind, body, and spirit the attention it needs you are limiting your access to having a healthy and fulfilled life. I challenge you to find what you need in order to fall in love with taking care of yourself- Mind. Body. and Soul.