The Truth About Silent Grief After Pregnancy Loss

It has been forever since I posted an episode of This Therapist Has Problems Podcast.

For months, I thought about how I would come back. Do I just press record and move forward like nothing happened? Do I jump into the next topic? Do I avoid the personal update and keep it professional?

But if you have been here before, you already know this podcast was not created for surface-level conversations. This space was created for honesty, transparency, and real conversations about the things we often carry in silence. 🤍

So as I launch Season 2, I am dusting off the microphone and sharing what the silence held.

The vulnerability hangover is real 🫣

I will be honest. This episode felt vulnerable in a way I did not fully expect.

There is a difference between sharing from a healed place and sharing while still feeling the tenderness of what happened. I had to sit with whether I was ready to say certain things out loud. I had to ask myself if sharing this story was necessary, helpful, or simply too much.

What I came back to is this: some stories are hard to tell because they are connected to the parts of us that are still healing.

And sometimes, even when it feels scary, telling the truth gives somebody else permission to stop carrying their pain alone.

What happened behind the silence 🌿

In this episode, I share a personal life update about an unexpected pregnancy after having my tubes tied, the concern for a possible ectopic pregnancy, repeated blood work, physical pain, fear, and ultimately the emotional weight of miscarriage.

This was not something I planned for. It was not something I expected. And it was not something I knew how to quickly process.

There was a lot happening at once. Medically, I was being told that the loss may have been the best-case scenario because of the risk connected to a possible ectopic pregnancy. Emotionally, there was nothing about it that felt simple, easy, or like good news.

That is the part I wanted to give language to.

Sometimes grief is complicated. Sometimes grief shows up even when the situation was not something you asked for, planned for, or thought you wanted. Sometimes your mind understands one thing while your heart, body, and spirit are trying to catch up.

Grief does not always come with condolences 🕊️

One of the thoughts that stayed with me is that sometimes grief does not come with condolences.

Not because people do not care, but because they may not know what to say. They may not understand why something hurts as deeply as it does. They may be focused on the medical outcome, the practical details, or the fact that things could have been worse.

But grief does not need permission to be real.

You do not have to justify why something hurt you. You do not have to prove your loss was big enough. You do not have to explain why you are grieving something that was unexpected.

If it mattered to you, it matters. 🤍

Why this conversation matters right now ✨

This episode is also being released during National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month and in recognition of Black Maternal Mental Health Week, observed July 19 through July 25.

That timing matters.

So many Black women and women of color are carrying reproductive grief, pregnancy loss, medical trauma, fear, confusion, and silent pain while still being expected to function, work, care for others, and keep going.

We are often praised for being strong, but strength does not mean we are not hurting.

Strength does not mean we do not need support.

Strength does not mean we should have to process grief in silence.

This conversation is not just about my story. It is also about creating space for the stories that often go untold.

Listening to your body matters 💛

One of the biggest reminders from this experience was the importance of listening to my body.

I knew something was off before I had answers. I could feel that something was not right. And because I listened, I was able to get medical attention before things became more dangerous.

I want to be clear that this episode is not medical advice. But it is a reminder to pay attention to your body, ask questions, advocate for yourself, and keep pushing when something does not feel right.

Your body matters.

Your concerns matter.

Your questions matter.

Healing does not mean pretending it did not happen 🌱

Healing did not mean I stopped feeling anything. Healing did not mean I was suddenly okay. Healing did not mean I could check grief off a list and move on.

Healing looked like resting when I wanted to keep pushing.

It looked like crying when I needed to cry.

It looked like allowing myself to be human, even as a therapist.

It looked like giving myself permission to not have all the answers.

And slowly, the grief did not feel the same way it felt in the beginning. It was still real, but it was not as heavy every single day.

That is what healing can do. It may not erase what happened, but it can teach you how to carry it with more gentleness.

A reminder for anyone holding silent pain 🤎

If you have been carrying something quietly, I hope this episode reminds you that you are not alone.

Your story matters.

Your body matters.

Your grief deserves space.

Even if it happened years ago.

Even if other people did not understand.

Even if you minimized it because you thought you had to be strong.

Even if you never gave yourself permission to call it grief.

It is not too late to acknowledge what happened, honor what you lost, and make room for your own healing.

Watch the full episode 🎧

Season 2 of This Therapist Has Problems Podcast begins with honesty, vulnerability, and a reminder that therapists are human too.

Thank you for stepping back into my office.

Watch the full episode on YouTube: Dusting Off the Microphone: What the Silence Held

Resources and support 🤍

If this episode brings something up for you, please know that you do not have to process it alone. Whether your experience is recent or something you have carried quietly for years, support is available.

Pregnancy loss and grief support:
Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support offers support for those impacted by pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or infant loss, including help finding support by state.

Miscarriage, loss, and grief education:
March of Dimes has resources for miscarriage, pregnancy loss, grief, and finding comfort after loss.

Maternal mental health support:
The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline provides free, confidential, 24/7 support for pregnant and postpartum individuals and their families. Call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA.

Perinatal mental health and support groups:
Postpartum Support International offers a HelpLine, online support groups, and resources for pregnancy, postpartum, pregnancy loss, and pregnancy after loss.

Black maternal mental health support:
The Shades of Blue Project focuses on maternal mental health support for women of color and minority communities, including Black Maternal Mental Health awareness and resources.

Black maternal health advocacy and education:
Black Mamas Matter Alliance centers Black mamas and birthing people through advocacy, research, education, and Black maternal health resources.

Immediate emotional crisis support:
If you are in emotional distress, experiencing thoughts of suicide, or feel unsafe, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Please use the resources that feel most supportive for where you are right now. You deserve care, support, and space to heal.

Disclaimer

This blog and podcast episode are intended for informational and educational purposes only. The content provided is not a substitute for professional mental health care, therapy, or medical advice and does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. Please reach out to a licensed mental health or medical professional in your area for personalized support and guidance.